I’m writing this article wishing to humbly confess my sins to you all. I’ve used EN 24 as a platform for my venom and malice due to my complete and unchasteness jealousy of you and whatever corp/alliance/coalition you are part of. I’ve written only poison and lies because I spend my nights wide awake thinking of how your awesome and wonderful alliance has kicked my butt time and time again. I now wish to make amends and admit just how wrong I was and to show to everyone the truth.

You… yes you, whoever is reading this, this is meant just for you and nobody else. I promise to keep this as short as I can since I know nobody really goes on the internet to look at articles expecting to have to read them. After all the more reading you do the less time you have to tell others your opinion. And at the end of the day, isn’t that truly the most important thing to everyone else? You’re opinion? I know I only write articles and sit glued to the computer chair hoping for a glimpse of your superior intellect.

So I will begin first off by saying that you have a wonderful alliance leader. He is by far the most capable and just, the most talented, the smartest and quite easily the bestest at anything he does for the alliance showing no self interest and using no guise to control anyone. Everything that happens in Eve, you can be assured that he is behind it. Every failure your enemy has, a masterful plan of deceit. And as Sun Tzu says, all war is deceit. Every victory for your alliance is an equal measure of his bravery in the face of your enemies’ cowardly attempts at spying.

The last war that you were in proved how capable your alliance was at pvp. The changes in sov that occurred, regardless if they were a gain or a loss, proved just how good at pvp you and your alliance are. Nothing more mattered in every battle that you participated in than your competent command of your ship. You bravely fought larger groups that can only blob you and kicked the crap out of them. You even used your superior tactics to skillfully outnumber your enemies when required. When they tried to hot drop capitals on your fleet, your quick reaction time and ability to hit warp showed your enemy just how tactically skillful you are as an individual and as an alliance.

You understand the meaning of honor, in particular when the enemy seems to have an upper hand on you. They really don’t. Their victory means nothing. Your alliance is the one that actually won the engagement because your opponent is after all just a bunch of RMTing snobs. You on the other hand, are also adaptive. Eve after all is a harsh place. You didn’t choose the Eve life, the Eve life chose you. And is up to you to instruct the foolish masses on that reality by using every measure in the book to gain your win.

Ah but i’ve said enough about you. I’m sure you get enough of this every morning from your mirror. Let us take a look at your pathetic enemy. Look at them sitting there with their ships, hiding in station, or perhaps blobbing you with far too many numbers. They don’t know anything at all. They’re simply stupid F1 pressing monkeys, unlike you and the noticeable and relevant contribution you bring to every fleet. I’m sorry, there I go again noting your virtues. In any case, what THEY should do is simply give up already and admit that you’re the best alliance.

You and your alliance have the best plans and nobody can match your strategy and tactics. And if they ever do, well it’s obviously simply orchestrated by your wonderful alliance or simply a matter of cheating. You don’t need to cheat of course, it is only they who cheat and it is only by this manner that we can explain ever having to take any steps back. After all even after your fleet welps, and you sit there with the bitter sting of defeat, if you think long enough, you’ll figure out that you actually won anyway…if you REALLY think about it.

So let’s consider the possibilities of YOUR alliance vs THEIR alliance. Your alliance has done everything right and should continue doing what they are doing. Their alliance is doing everything wrong, because your alliance is so good.

The end.

- Seraph IX Basarab

39 Comments

  1. lol stylish.

    October 7, 2013 at 11:02 pm Reply
  2. Jaime Gomes

    Priceless comedy.

    October 7, 2013 at 11:10 pm Reply
  3. PlzNo

    Did someone just discover sarcasm?

    October 7, 2013 at 11:20 pm Reply
    1. Thomas

      He said sarcastically

      October 7, 2013 at 11:47 pm Reply
  4. Dave From FA

    did not want that titan anyway

    October 7, 2013 at 11:50 pm Reply
  5. heh.....

    Thinks he’s clever

    Sounds like a retard

    Is Seraph IX Basarab

    October 8, 2013 at 12:32 am Reply
  6. James

    Should this guy really be even writing about PvP?
    http://eve-kill.net/?a=pilot_detail&plt_ext_id=90499521

    This guy is worse then Goblin, at least Goblin actually talks about things he’s has experience in.

    October 8, 2013 at 12:35 am Reply
    1. Billbo

      He reeks of an alt

      October 8, 2013 at 12:52 am Reply
      1. heh.....

        Or someone that just doesn’t PvP very much, it’s not like it’s uncommon to see mains that get only a handful of kills a month.

        October 8, 2013 at 1:26 am Reply
  7. wakaka

    dafuq did I just read I think there needs to be and intervention and someone needs to take his keyboard

    October 8, 2013 at 1:29 am Reply
  8. Chris

    I understand the sarcasm, but this is was still a waste of 5 minutes of my life.
    I take comfort in knowing seraph probably wasted more of his on it than I.

    October 8, 2013 at 1:36 am Reply
  9. Seraph IX Basarab

    Its meant as a joke article for the people that always complain that i’m some how hateful of their specific alliance when I level any sort of criticism toward whatever entity they are part of when I really just give everyone the same amount of “hard time.” Its not meant to be that serious but I guess some of you are really serious people.

    Oh and sorry I don’t join up in F1 monkey fleets to get hundreds of well earned skill proving kills like some of the people posting. ;)

    October 8, 2013 at 2:32 am Reply
    1. NC.

      not gonna lie pretty stupid pointless article and i’m one of those who like your normal reads :(

      October 8, 2013 at 5:05 am Reply
      1. C0VEN

        This

        October 8, 2013 at 1:35 pm Reply
    2. Filip Viruk Drab

      Way to prove them wrong m8, really.

      October 8, 2013 at 10:14 am Reply
    3. Exactly

      All of your articles are jokes.

      October 13, 2013 at 11:24 pm Reply
  10. nanner

    If this was an attempt at wit, I can only say that there is no value in anything you say or write.

    I’m glad I happened upon this little beauty before I read any of your other work because it will save me the trouble.

    Mason Cooley wrote: “Vanity well fed is benevolent. Vanity hungry is spiteful.”

    This “article” is the perfect example.

    October 8, 2013 at 5:06 am Reply
    1. Seraph IX Basarab

      So many people complain when i make a critique of an alliance’s action as if i’m going after their mother’s virginity. So here I gave them what they wanted to hear. Its suppose to be shit… that’s pretty much the purpose, to show what an article would look like that blindly praised their alliance. Not sure why so many people are taking it so seriously though. Go outside.

      October 9, 2013 at 5:46 pm Reply
      1. Poo Nanner

        And this confirms it.
        You have no idea how obvious your spergy narcissism is. Do you?
        I know that you believe that people are reacting because you are so intelligent and special and pretty that they just can’t contain their jealousy. But the truth is that they view you as just another loud “know it all” that always seems to get it hilariously wrong. Even among your friends, you are a worn out joke.
        Watch “A Fish Called Wanda”. You would be Kevin Kline’s character Otto.

        October 10, 2013 at 9:15 am Reply
        1. Seraph IX Basarab

          I don’t think people are reacting to me being intelligent. I never looked at it that way. I looked it at people placing their video game club as their primary identity and when I point something out, with no actual malice intended, they come running and screaming how I must be a butthurt Goon/NCdot/whatever other alliance they are at war with, alt and i’m just trying so hard to discredit them. I can’t point out how Northern Army as a feeder alliance may have some problems because suddenly i’m a Goon. I can’t point out how it was peculiar how the sov was divided after the Fountain war by the Goons because I must be in N3. So here it is, an article that blows smoke up those people’s asses. There’s no narcissism, but there seems to be a bit of inferiority complex from you and some others.

          “OH YOU THINK YOU’RE SO SMART!”

          Eh, no dude, i just write some video game articles in my spare time. Stop taking it so seriously…

          But since you quoted “A Fish Called Wanda”…well…

          October 10, 2013 at 6:22 pm Reply
          1. Capt. Obvious

            The more you answer these, the more you seem to be a whiny little bitch.

            October 11, 2013 at 5:35 am
          2. Seraph IX Basarab

            I’m not sure how simply discussing makes anyone anything. So someone says something, I say something, therefore i’m whining. Explain that one.

            October 11, 2013 at 6:20 am
          3. Capt. Obvious

            Tape yourself reading your responses. Use the same squeaky, nasally voice you used when you were talking to yourself, imagining your response to the mean detractors. You know, the voice with the odd upward inflection…so it sounds like you’re asking a question…
            How’s that?
            Do you understand now?

            October 13, 2013 at 5:05 am
  11. Suicide Watch

    Everything is going to be alright. Don’t blow your head off.

    October 8, 2013 at 5:27 am Reply
  12. We got the shit post double today, Seraph and Goblin, such a threat.

    October 8, 2013 at 5:35 am Reply
  13. Guest

    Defuq is this shit?

    October 8, 2013 at 7:50 am Reply
  14. Ay there's the rub

    Awesome!

    October 8, 2013 at 2:08 pm Reply
  15. Neo "Grammar" Nazi

    Your*

    October 8, 2013 at 2:14 pm Reply
  16. Fartolio

    Best read i had on EN24.

    October 8, 2013 at 3:14 pm Reply
  17. Kenneth Mark Hoover

    This is what passes for humor in Eveland.

    October 8, 2013 at 4:46 pm Reply
  18. Sold

    Gas thread. Ban OP

    October 8, 2013 at 4:59 pm Reply
  19. lol

    ffs wtf is this shit….

    October 8, 2013 at 6:13 pm Reply
    1. GSection

      I’m lost as well.

      October 8, 2013 at 10:31 pm Reply
  20. Liu Bin

    I bask in your praise.

    It is right that you acknowledge this.

    October 8, 2013 at 9:21 pm Reply
  21. PLgrunt

    Basking in the post nuclear glow.. don’t chill my mellow man

    October 8, 2013 at 10:42 pm Reply
  22. Dennis the Dreamer

    asdfqwertyzxcvb

    October 9, 2013 at 3:36 am Reply
  23. Inigo Montoya

    More fantastic garbage from EN24…

    October 9, 2013 at 9:09 am Reply
  24. Grammar Nazi

    Your – possessive form of “you”. “Your grammar is terrible.”
    You’re – shortened variant of “you are”. You’re really in need of some grammar lessons.”

    October 20, 2013 at 10:08 am Reply
  25. asd

    EN24 waste of time

    October 30, 2013 at 6:50 pm Reply

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