With the current affairs in the North, it is clear that GoonSwarm Federation is thirsty for a tall glass of Kool-Aid. The Mittani haven’t disappointed.

In this post I’ll go through every single flaw and inaccuracy found on that CEO update. Some of my comments are nitpicks, others will give the GSF heads something to think before sleeping. Shall we?:

Debunking the GSF CEO Update – a Rebuttal.

After the Great War, we began to encounter a new rationalization from our enemies: “You’re not
winning fast enough.” This got quite a few laughs out of us when we first heard it, since the
hoary old Great War vets think of grinding trench warfare with endless attrition – campaigns that
last for years – as the default method of winning wars in Eve.

I think this is the first time Goons has bitten off more than they could chew on and they know it. The stab at the “old Great War vets” is both sad and desperate, evoking five years old events in Eve Online is definitely funny to see specially when a good deal of those “vets” actually reside inside the CFC.

The Mittani is famous for his bully centric mindset, the same which took him out of the CSM despite blobbing the urns. I’ll skip the other bullshit paragraph which levels the DOT Bros to WhiteNoise, Raiden and SoCo standards. As much as he would like to spew shit on how the relentless pace of the war will turn in their favor, the truth is the CFC is running desperate after starting a war they didn’t needed. And the worst thing of this is they have been steadily making advancements on enemy territory, but not fast enough and the biggest the engine the sooner it goes out of fuel.

So now “Not Winning Fast Enough” is now the de facto standard of success our enemies are
using to measure themselves against us.

Exactly because during the Branch, Tenal and Delve invasion the chest beating turned mostly on how steadfastly the region was “steam-rolled”. Desperation has soared to a level where NAPing SOLAR FLEET isn’t just needed, but seemed as the “right thing to do” in wake of the situation at hand.

Our enemies typically envision themselves as Spartans, or Lions, or some other outnumbered-hero-dying-tragically, and if you just hold out long enough the loser actually wins through the retarded alchemy of pubbie thought.

No, that’s how you actually envision NCDOT and thanks for sharing it. The whole CEO update denotes a dash of what mental physicians call “psychological projection” – calling out a person or a group for pretty much what ever positive characteristic irritate you the most. Amusingly, this is exactly how anti-semitism is taught in Iran. In my six month tenure as Director inside NCDOT, I have never heard neither the NCDOT or the rest of the DOT Bros members calling themselves “Spartans” or “Lions” or which ever strong imagery Mittens tends to romanticize. But thanks for telling us how do you actually “see” the DOT Bros. What I do have seen is a culture where mistakes don’t go unpunished, people is actually careful with expensive toys and scoldings are given where needed.

I do have heard during the last few years GoonSwarm Federation calling themselves the Jihadist of Eve and Professional Douchebags, to much comunal pride. This is of course no longer fun, for obvious reasons. Poking fun at other players deaths was fun until about two weeks ago. And basically every single misfit cultural-trait of GoonSwarm Federation can be countered under the same premise. It is fun until it happens to you.

The problem, however, is that these easy victories erode our core skills as an alliance; they lead to
using outdated doctrines, atrophied timezones, and a sloppy, entitled way of thinking. War keeps
us strong, and it has been too long since we faced a real war.

When an FC tries to use a friend’s tragic and untimely demise to get fleet numbers from the largest entity in game you know something is just not right. The only skill your alliance truly have is to dogpile everyone and their mothers on a fleet, get them to anchor onto your FC, press F1 when told. Then file for ship reimbursement.

If dogpiling Drakes, maxing TiDi every time is possible and anchoring and pressing F1 and calling it a victory to be proud of isn’t a perfect showcase of “outdated doctrines, use of atrophied timezones, and a sloppy, entitled way of thinking” then I don’t know what it is.

So we should thank our lucky stars for Elo Knight of Black Legion. Nominally, of course, we are fighting against NCdot for Venal, Tribute and Vale – but increasingly it is obvious that we fight against one exceptionally dedicated and skilled FC.

Dear God, no foreplay straight to nob polishing. What about SuperTwinkey69, Quesa, Alex Jabbez, Wicked Princess, Cleist, lan and the rest of the FCs? These are only the NCDOT ones I can remember. Saying Elo Knight is running all the fleets is akin of saying DaBigRedBoat is running all the CFC fleets, which is actually more likely than not.

But we know what’s going on here, every mindless horde of drone needs its Emmanuel Goldstein, a dictraction figure head to which materialize their problems and failures on to. Again Psychological projection in the works.

In almost every situation where NCdot has done well against us, it is Elo Knight leading them; the actual NCdot fcs – Supertwinkey, Soho and their ilk – seem to be kept around primarily to feed us Titan and Dread kills when they’re allowed out of daycare.

Woa! did I missed something? as far as I know the only side losing Supers in this war so far has been the CFC – five supers in fact (3 titans, 2 super-carriers) but those have been replaced ASAP and they didn’t wanted them anyways, so they are invalid kills despite the fact of getting Mittins an early-morning rage on every instance. Otherwise they would have been mentioned in this CEO Update.

There’s an oft-quoted axiom ascribed to Alexander the Great that goes something like this: “I’m more afraid of a hundred sheep led by a lion than a hundred lions led by a sheep”; it’s past time we began giving credit where credit is due and acknowledging that this war – our first real war in years – is mostly Elo’s doing. We should not be speaking of how NCdot is keeping us to a slow and steady advance instead of a steamroll, but Elo. Of course, NCdot has been loudly taking credit for their ‘defense’ on Kugutsumen – chestbeating mercilessly about blowing up some of our SBUs the other day, ignoring the fact that we took another pair of stations in Tribute and own all but four techs in the region – but beyond their delusions of grandeur, in reality they are holding
Elo Knight’s cape.

The Mittani! talking about delusions of grandeur. Wow, the hubris of this guy. He should put a website with his name on it and preach it as the indisputable truth while deleting dissenting voices on the comments section.

Yes, it’s true – Elo is madly in e-love with Wicked Princess of NCdot and that’s a bit creepy, but
he’s motivated, shows up in almost every timezone, and aggressively fights against incredible

Yikes, he went from a gentle handjob to “cock and ball torture”. Tell us more about this Elo-Wicked love thing, Do you want in?. See, anyone can blurt childish defamatory comments.

It is because of him that we have had to adapt our obsolete doctrines and fix our Sky Team, and it because of him that our newbies are at last learning what a real war is like.

Is this GoonTalk for “aw fuck” we need to rethink our strategy because we are not winning fast enough? No, Drakes are getting nerfed a bit and you know it.

It’s rather annoying when you see all the NCdot line members proudly taking credit for the work that he’s done, as if they were somehow responsible for it.

Yeah, because Elo Knight single-handily took the entire GoonSwarm armada with the help of a tea-cup (ala Ridick). Well at least we know someone has a crush on Elo Knight to the point of overlooking the fact of who makes up the bulk of the DOT Brothers fleet and which are the other active DOT Bros FCs. Maybe instead of gentle hand-strokes you could try offering him some Tech and Sov, if you haven’t tried already.

That’s not entirely fair to NCdot, though. In one timezone, NCdot is capable and effective –
Australian time. We have never had a war in AU TZ; the last situation we found ourselves
dealing with a bunch of downtime timers was in a war against Ev0ke, who specialized in
just-before-dt sieges; the OTEC treaty meant that we have never had to develop an independent
and functional ANZAC presence, until now.

NCdot has a couple of very solid AU TZ corps: Van Diemen’s Demise and Invictus Australis. After losing every tech moon in Venal, all but four in Tribute, and half the region itself, NCdot caught a clue and began timing their structures to AU TZ, who are somehow independent and functional without Elo Knight doing everything. These guys are regularly dropping SBUs and attacking our SBUs; if it wasn’t for these two Aussie corps, all of Tribute would be a smoking wasteland, instead of just its western half.

But wait, you just spend several paragraphs crediting Elo Knight with the current state of the war? What is going on here!? Of course this wasn’t a consistent DOT Bros victories, but a time Zone Issue despite the times that if you check most of the timers and kills you will get a late USTZ instead of an aussie one. Damn Aussies! ~shakeshand~

We are interested in finally developing our own AU TZ, which is a difficult project. We have ANZACs aplenty, but they are a divided group, split up across not only GSF but other CFC alliances. Convicted and Razor both have significant ANZAC presences, but these disparate line members have not effectively been forged into a unified fighting force. We intend to change that.

Nothing new to see here, in fact he said the the same thing about a month ago during an Eve Radio interview:

We actively went out of our way to develop an Australian time zone presence with alliances like Convicted, in order to be able to counter this. One of the things that’s extremely rare in Australian time zone is having bloc-level FCs. There’s probably only about 15 bloc-level FCs in the entire game, and I know one who’s an Australian that I would trust with a 250 man fleet. When we found Tradik…it was like a gift from God because I’m like I have a guy in Australian time zone who can actually organize the few people and the night owls and the crazy Euros who got up early or whatever into a fighting force.

You haven’t developed anything, C0NVICTED was expelled from Delve when GENTs abandoned them to die. Tradik (a good ol’ Northern Coalition FC) got RL commitments so he’s out of the question how about you make a new call for AUTZ FCs:

However, we need advice from our Aussies and Kiwis. We have several plans and ideas – a combined and resurrected ANZAC squad (this time, one that doesn’t just smoke pot and mine in Omist, like the last time the squad was functional in 2008) or perhaps an ANZAC corp/alliance with more explicit direction; we’re also looking into ANZAC-specific doctrines to deal with the challenges of that timeslot. So please sound off ITT about what you, as an ANZAC, would like to see or think would help.

I’ll check within a month to see if you have to make a Third call for AUTZ FCs.

When your enemies have a massive back-slapping victory celebration over the mere fact that on one day when you didn’t have your usual FCs around they managed to kill some of your SBUs and reinforce some structures, you know that they doth protest too much.

Like every war, we plan for a meatgrinder, as no one does meatgrinders better than us. The usual meatgrinder plan follows these steps – call it Sov War 101:

So much wording for calling in the blobbing tactics, inspiring nevertheless.

●Take all the tech moons first

And watch them get reinforced to dry up the income while repeatedly losing Supers to dumb mistakes. Also reppin’ towers is fun!

●Spam SBUs to force the enemy to grind structures

While getting the same medicine handed on your Tribute sov.

●“Siege and Punt” stations and iHubs

Blob them!

●Blueball when you can’t win

Really? Haven’t you been blue-balling every single fight where you could not gather at least a 3 to 1 advantage since the start of the campaign?

●Crush the enemy embarrassingly when you can win

For every “embarrassing win” the DOT Bros get about ten of these:

Those are just the ones I managed to get from the top of my mind. Good trade.

This is hardly rocket science. In the past few years the enemy has broken before we even finish
taking their tech moons, but due to Elo we’re in a slow process of spamming SBU’s and
sieging/punting sov timers. We are making steady progress, though that has slowed down after
the enemy began relying on their AU TZ for defense.

The crush!.

We have learned a number of things during this war. First, we’ve learned that we needed to
update our doctrines, which we did.

No, you got word from CCP Games that Drakes and Canes are getting Nerfed – way before the announcement came in. You are now trying to herd the sheeples before is too late. What ensures you the enemy won’t simply change tactics to keep the pace up?

Then we learned that we needed to restructure our Sky Team, which is now running quite smoothly under Rydis and her assistants. Now we’re learning that we need to develop a more effective AU TZ presence. Meatgrinders force you to tighten up your game, and we’ve needed that; more importantly we’ve needed to teach our newbies what a real sov-war looks like.

At the macro-level the war is going quite smoothly. Nulli Secunda, which had been helping NCdot, has accidentally invaded Detorid, cascaded the aptly-named Cascade Imminent, and as a result has taken themselves off the NCdot side in the long term.

Yeah! all those Geminate, Vale and Tribute kills padding Nulli Secunda’s KB clearly show they are “deployed” down there. Do you believe all the shit you spew? Word is on the street is that TEST paid Nulli, using Goon funds to inadvertently get the two biggest Cascade corps to bail into NCDOT, adding Allies which were previously oblivious to this conflict. Macro-level war going quite smoothly. Go make an articles about it.

Gypsy Band likewise has left, complaining about a lack of euro-time ‘gudfites’. Solar Fleet is making steady assaults on NCdot moons in Geminate, Ev0ke fired its two best FCs over some inscrutable internal dispute and is mostly engaged in a fight against Solar anyway, and despite Elo Knight being a superstar not many Black Legion line members have been showing up to help NCdot. We own half of Tribute, all but four of Tribute’s tech moons, all of the NCdot techs that once were in Venal, and have managed to get even richer through all of this by keeping the Tech market artificially inflated due to to conflict.

This reminds me of a guy in Germany who desperately told himself stories of imaginary armies, Jesus commanders, awful contradictions and flawed alliances:

With the upcoming changes to Heavy Missiles and the evolution of our fleet tactics, it’s
necessary for us to emphasize training for the following ships:

●Rokhs with T2 Railguns will eventually be replacing Maelstroms

You stopped shipping Maelstroms because of the step prices and the logistical stress on your JF pilots. Also, Battleship sized ships in a Blapping Dreads and bomber fleet rich environment? You guys are really thinking this one through… not.

The Rokhs you want to field cost about 300 mil, against the 60 mil it cost to fit a Drake, we’ll see how long will it pass until you switch back to Drakes again.

●Command Ships should become Boosting Lokis – we need more, badly.

Yes Command Ships are useful, welcome to 2007. Losing a Tech 3 is not fun, is expensive and requires re-training. Welcome to Elite PVP.

●Aim for a Dasboot Carrier – Archon or Thanatos with T2 Sentries

I won’t spoil anything, but there is a surprise in the works for this already.

Closing Comments

Make no mistake, due to overwhelming numbers GoonSwarm Federation and Co will take over Tribute and maybe Vale (Space they didn’t wanted anyways, rite?). The DOT Brothers know this and they simply decided not to make it into another “special needs kid” success story for Goons.

I hope you all had enjoyed my “extended” version of GSF’s Propaganda Update and sweetened up kool-aid, I’ll eagerly wait for the next Propagannda Update to strip the lies and clear the smoke.

Until then, Adios!

– Daniel Agincourt

Send us Intel/Corrections via dropbox or shoot us an e-mail


  1. ROL Grunt

    so in a nutshell ,basically the goons are shit and don't deserve one region never mind half the map amirite?

    September 30, 2012 at 11:02 pm Reply
  2. Not a Goon

    Desperation is a stinky cologne, EN24.

    September 30, 2012 at 11:18 pm Reply
    1. Smiling Joe

      Then stop inhaling it?

      October 1, 2012 at 10:02 pm Reply
  3. Ho Chi Minh

    Goon dominance in Tribute is like American dominance in Vietnam.

    September 30, 2012 at 11:34 pm Reply
    1. Arthello

      Actually I'd say it's the other way around. NCdot is winning the battles but loosing the war. The communist hordes of the CFC is just hard to stop. USA won most of the battles individually but they lost the war. On the other hand it could seem like CFC is suffering more from attrition than NCdot at the moment. CFC fleets has gone down by a hell of a lot more pilots than dotbros at the moment. In that respect you could compare the CFC with USA in Vietnam, although it's much to early to say yet.

      September 30, 2012 at 11:54 pm Reply
      1. Fight Night

        War is still in its opening stages. Dotbros loving it cfc suffering :)

        October 1, 2012 at 12:09 am Reply
  4. BntyHunter

    Can I get a Ahmen

    As usual GSF provides huge support and will take all credit when they win with 15 guys, but a loss, shit they wernt even there

    Solar what were you thinking siding with Goons?


    October 1, 2012 at 12:26 am Reply
    1. PL guy

      The goon fleet showed up late to whore on killmails. They don't even speak the language are you seriously trying to tell us that they fleet together? When you fix the BR it looks almost looks as if the elite PvPers blobbed the 'vultures of eve'

      Interesting to see dotbros fielding slowcats, wonder of they'll have the bottle to try using them in tribute.

      October 1, 2012 at 2:35 am Reply
      1. Guy

        Goons have helped out Solar on a single timer as far as I know. It's been good, fairly even fights with ncdot for the most part in geminate. Ncdot wins the majority but it's not hopelessly one-sided. We're used to them blobbing when it suits and then claiming that they're always outnumbered 5 to 1.

        We were hoping dotbros would do some more smallish roams into gem but they seem happy to play timezone wars and only formup for tech timers. I doubt they'll commit slowcats against cfc outside of autz but I guess we'll see.

        October 1, 2012 at 3:07 am Reply
        1. Arthello

          Why are you waiting for NCdot to roam to you if you want to fight them? Why not just roam to Vale yourself? No one roams near NCdot staging system without getting a fight most of the time. There's always someone willing to fight as soon as they get reports of a roaming fleet nearby. Don't sit and wait for us to come to you, just come to us if you want to fight that much. At least don't complain that we don't roam to your space, that's just being dumb. Hypocritical much? To be honest there's so many fleets around the clock these days, that people doesn't need to roam to fill their goodfight quota. NCdot isn't just fighting SOLAR, we're fighting SOLAR and CFC. That's a lot of fighting.

          And for that mentally challenged PL guy; why the hell would NCdot use SlowCats within bridgerange of the biggest coalition in EVE? Are you really that tactically inept that I have to explain why NCdot isn't using SlowCats in Tribute outside of AUTZ? There's a difference between being ballsy and an idiot. Spitting Chuck Norris in the face isn't being ballsy, it's just being dumb.

          October 2, 2012 at 5:44 am Reply
          1. Guy

            The problem with roaming to ncdot space is that you usually need to wait an hour or so for them to form a counter to your fleet, at which point it's not worth taking the fight because it'll be a wipe. It's always been that way. I have been over there but it's usually the same old thing – if I bring a frigate I'll see a cynabal or rapier appear kind of deal, which obviously amounts to there being no fight. There were a few gangs hitting the 9p40 area but those dried up after dotbros lost a few ships.

            They did have a good fight with solar in g5 today so that was cool. Maybe things will pick up again.

            Anyway, Ncdot tends to formup bigger fleets for timers and has a very small contingent of pvp'ers who are active outside of them. I'll try hitting vale again over the next couple of days and see if you're right, I guess.

            October 2, 2012 at 6:14 am
          2. anonymous

            We have roaming gangs going out all the time but most of them go northwest not southeast since they form later Euro time and US tz which normally means drone regions are sleeping. Normally we don't form up for one or two people because they are always going away from us. But yes to be fair we do form up the counter to whatever is by us if they come into our staging system that is how it always will be. However, it will not take us an hour once we decide to actually form up. You might be in Vale for an hour but that doesn't mean we have been forming since you entered to fight you.

            October 2, 2012 at 6:35 am
      2. Freest

        Dotbros using supers in tribute fairly common, Slowcats sometimes. Obviously can't be rash as there's a million goons blobbing. Pl. hav a no risk situation down south were you can blob supers. Up north you got to be smart instead. Dotbros would win a straight up super fight, but goons have more dreads Slowcats and subcaps you see. Got to use your head. Doubt your from PL. or I wouldn't of had to explain this lol

        October 1, 2012 at 7:29 am Reply
        1. Arthello

          Oh never underestimate the retardedness of PL scrubs. PL isn't what they used to be anymore you know. I do agree with you that it's an unusually dumb suggestion though, even from someone from PL.

          October 2, 2012 at 5:48 am Reply
          1. guy

            bitter much?

            October 3, 2012 at 2:44 am
  5. Freest

    Being in Retirement Club I have to say a lot of old vets guy out there has sunk into thinking there was not much to go on for within eve. Alliances crumbled & became inactive. However…
    Joining Dotbros has given people hope once again that there is something to fight for & that you don't have to side with the blob dooming your alliance to the napfest, the cesspit that is cfc, you don't have to lose your individual identity by joining cfc, you can join Dotbros do crazy things, have mad fun and remember what it is like to be feared and successful again. Dotbros are an inspiration for us all. You want in on the Goon kull, get involved.

    October 1, 2012 at 1:08 am Reply
  6. Pale Blue Dot

    Started off brightly, by the end had descended to the idiotic term Sheeple and even Godwin appeared. Goon hate is good hate, but must try harder

    October 1, 2012 at 2:48 pm Reply
  7. U know who

    The CFC has prevented the formation of powerblocks that may actually challenge them in any meaningful way.However, Mittens should take only 10% of the credit – 90% blame on this point should be placed squarely upon leadership of these alliances for allowing their egos (or pockets) for getting in the way of good judgement. These alliances/coaltions allow themselves to be isolated, surrounded and individually picked off in what has become an almost mechanical fashion. In some cases they are attacking each other.

    NCDOT has been pushed out of their space, ROL is under the gun, Fail has well…failed and it's a matter of time until Catch is overrun by the blob. Still these coalitions continue to defend what they either don't have or will certainly lose if the current trjectory is followed.

    Eve is a game that test one's ability to adapt, we need to look no further than the grand masters of adaptation within EVE, Pandemic Legion – who woulda thunk it? Unfortunately, these coalitions will continue to fancy themselves "Spartans" fighting a doomed battle, vastly outnumbered by lesser opponents while never realizing that Leonidas fought with 300..
    because thats all he could muster.

    October 1, 2012 at 2:51 pm Reply
  8. NullSecNoob

    So the CFC holds most the tech and money making moons and DOTBROS is paying the SOV bills? I wonder how long they can sustain that. A war can be fought on may fronts and from many angles. Truthfully I expected a full frontal push after the period of morning for Vile Rat and after the Goon Up. I expect another break in the action soon when Eve Vegas coming up. Several Station timers coming out in the next 24 hours. Could see a lot more fall this week. But who knows.

    October 1, 2012 at 4:33 pm Reply
    1. herpaderp

      oh shut up morning for vile rat, it's 2012 not 1800 B.C.

      yes hes dead, and everyone knows that, but using it as a damn fucking excuse to start sucking at a war. my balls!

      dotbros pressed the "le broke CFC morale" button, and nothing you can change about that.
      it just is how it is.

      October 1, 2012 at 4:46 pm Reply
      1. NullSecNoob

        Confirm, morale is quite low in the CFC. Several Not SOV just the moons.

        October 1, 2012 at 9:00 pm Reply
        1. NullSecNoob

          Ack my keyboard froze.

          October 1, 2012 at 9:01 pm Reply
  9. Lube

    Could not finish this SPARTAN roll back to Venal l33t load of selfbullcrap.

    October 1, 2012 at 6:51 pm Reply
  10. GSF Member

    So then we all agree, Goons/CFC are going to win. The true winners are those who lose slower?

    October 1, 2012 at 7:20 pm Reply
    1. CFC = Homo Coalition

      The point being, they talk so much shit but its taking them forever to take down one region with 10s of thousands of people. You suck balls GSF

      October 1, 2012 at 8:03 pm Reply
  11. The Lady doth protest too much methinks.

    October 2, 2012 at 12:10 am Reply
  12. Sold

    wtf, that was the most confusing and disjointed article ever. No clue what the point was.

    October 2, 2012 at 12:33 am Reply
  13. Shit talking yank

    Problem is all aussies are jews, they should rename the country to Israilia and be done with it.
    Convicted alliance was thrown out of syndicate and shockingly GIVEN sov in geminate (i was there and helped do the booting) and then promptly got steamrolled (can't fault them on that on though) and then was adopted by the goons (lovers of all things furry and pathetic), they have never done anything usefull for anyone and quite likely never will, this game could truely benifit from an EFFECTIVE AU timezone alliance, problem is aussies ARE loyal and there are a few good, hardcore pilots scattered about and few will leave the corps they've known and loved for years to go and join a PL of aussies even if one were started.
    Not hatein, i like aussies but i am one of those americans who have fucked up work hours and sleep schedules and i've played enough in the AU timezone to know that the goons hopes of an effective AU group is just wishfull thinking.

    October 2, 2012 at 11:05 am Reply
  14. mario

    i can't wait until HBC decides they want some more tech and hits Goons from the other side. That should be in a few months once their money is completely gone.

    October 2, 2012 at 2:10 pm Reply
  15. Gd Move

    Best move any PVP orientated alliance could make is joining Dotbros Calition,for the reason of Fun Epic outnumbered PVP.

    Just in:

    CFC Welping Alpha Fleet/Drakes

    CFC Welping Carreirs & losing a Razor CSAA witha Baby Titan in

    This is why Dotbros the most fun pace to be,epic PVP hammering Goons,the little guy 90% of the time outnumbered & still kicking the fat goon bully in the bollocks :)

    October 2, 2012 at 5:04 pm Reply
    1. Sweet

      Not as Epic as Dotbros usual fights where they are outnumbered 90% of the time,but still humiliating to lose a baby titan in a CSAA and lose 200+bill in one day ahahahahaa.

      Good shit,im observing Goons curling into a ball crying mamma as we speak in spia corp chat ahahahahaa :)

      October 2, 2012 at 5:07 pm Reply
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