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Editor’s note: GoonSwarm minister of propaganda Endie has a knack for writing, we present you both in the latest GoonSwarm Federation alliance update.

Endie: TEST – A League of their Own?

Subject: Goonswarm Diplomatic Cable
To: Goonswarm, Test, CFC, HBC
Cc: Julian Assange

This requires a dreary quantity of incredibly serious business words spanning several years, so bear with me. I’m painfully aware that it’s going to be dry work, so you might want to grab a drink, first.

When Dreddit first entered Eve and landed near Goons (famously, due to holding the Eve map upside-down) then-Goonswarm proprietor and chief shouter Darius JOHNSON, with all the subtle aplomb and charm for which he was famous, tried to pressurise them into joining Goonswarm. Coming, as it did, in the wake of various corps walking out on us post-Delve (and others being lined up against a wall and shot on charges of crimes against posting), this would have been a great addition to our alliance.

But Vile Rat, Mittens and I consistently fought against pushing Test into union on the basis that, if we did that, they would miss out on the experiences that we had gone through, both good and bad. Goonswarm – then in our unlovely gimmickname phase – was at that point not the most appealing of marriage prospects in any case, as our glorious leader rapidly and enthusiastically fell out with everyone from ElitistOps, Phreeze, his cat (live during a State of the Goonion), America, toadstools, the state of Wyoming, people who chew apples with their mouths open and the number five. They would have become a member corp and would never have had the chance to create their own eve history, while their culture would have risked being overwhelmed by ours. Thankfully, they formed Test Alliance, we persuaded TCF to stick them into what would become the Testagram, and the Own campaign and related aid convoy (with a prominent performance by chubby psychonaut DHD) saw test spring into prominence.

Fast-forward a couple of years, however, and the leadership of Test are painfully aware that the closeness of our friendship – Mittens described test as family in the last SotG, after all – has meant that whenever Test lose so much as a couple of vexors and a comedy-fit battlebadger on a slosh op half a dozen Goonswarm directors have been on the hotline offering a tech moon to make good the losses, a crack team of logisticians to ship in minerals to build replacements and inquiries as to whether we should redeploy in order to clear the aggressors from their space and salt the earth so that their space remains forever barren thereafter. They’ve never been on the losing end of a war, for one thing.

Thus, when the advance into Delve came to a halt and even threatened to be rolled back in the face of 700-man fleets of AAA and their awful hangers-on, Montolio held off in accepting our increasingly strenuous offers of assistance for as long as was politely possible. He knew that we would storm in in full-on “did you hit my little brother?” mode, there would be perilously few “good fights”, and that everything would escalate uncontrollably. The Boatman, after all, has no “medium” setting.

Endie, I’m Using Powerful Binoculars But Still See No Point

Almost there. When we deployed to Delve we did so in full-on strategic mode. We agreed with Monty, who at the time was feeling the pressure of being outnumbered two to one, that Goonswarm would take a very small number of assets to prepare for the next regional conflict. We would take a single constellation in Delve (W-4), and we would hold two systems in Querious (F2OY for staging, and 49- on the Catch border). This would not just commit Goons to defending the regions, it would send a very powerful message to AAA that if they came at our bros they would have to come through us first. That’s what your bros do for you.

But Test have patiently explained to us since then that they don’t want Goonswarm as the bulwark on their eastern border, and that they feel just as able to hold 49- under Dominion sovereignty as we are. After all, they are now the biggest space-holding alliance in Eve. And it’s more than that: they want to be able to get the chance to defend their new conquests themselves, and to get the chance to do so without suffering our chubby impersonation of a version of the 7th Cavalry which has really let itself go and lost interest in its appearance charging south, bugles parping comedically as we bounce in our double-cushioned saddles. Although this analogy breaks down for supercapitals as it is extremely unlikely that the 7th Cavalry kept having to ride back to every second town in order to save a member who had been tackled by a squaw.

So when the castrated remnants of AAA round up sufficient numbers of gullible proles to embark on a Reconquista (led by such giants of the game as Perseus “The Trojan Troll” Kallistratos and that other FC dude called Mackerel or something who smartbombs blues for K/D stats), we’ve been told to back the fuck off, they got this. Which is pretty much what we look for in an ally. Serious aside: SMA, Lawn and Gents (twice) have headed off solo to fight alliances one-on-one and their success in these deployments has been hugely impressive to us as their ally.

What Does This Mean?

Test are still our friends. We’re not resetting each other. But we’ve been asked to let them get on with their new role of Kings of the South for now. If they find themselves with some new and frankly unlikely coalition rolling up to the Fountain border and change their minds then of course we’ll help. And if we find ourselves facing annihilation in a fight for Deklein and ask for help then we know that they’ll be there for us, too.

We’re going to help Test take Period Basis and get settled into their new regions, but we’ll be redeploying north as soon as the hard work is done and our friends have moved in: we’re not going to be that one dude who hangs around at the party at the end of the night, finishing off abandoned cans of beer and clearly angling to be left alone with your 15-year old sister’s drunk best friend.

We’ve handed over all the systems that Test have asked us to and, although we still hold F2OY – the station we dropped specifically for this invasion – for the meantime, Test will help us find someone to take it off our hands.

If, like me, you have thirty-odd ships in Delve then, given that AAA are whipped and that they’ve never been very effective in the first place (personally I’ve been on thirty or so ops and have lost two cyno frigs and a jaguar, the latter to blues in a thunderdome), you might want to make use of the great jump freighter services offered by both Padded helmets and Test to move some of your more structure-shooty ships north. And when the time comes for supers to move you should make sure and get more ships into those. But we’re not in a rush and the region will be secure and friendly, so chill broheims.

Yeah I’m Not Reading All That It’ll Be Like Three Jokes Padded Out With Fucking :words:

Oh that’s OK I didn’t put any effort into making a foreign policy statement almost readable or anything you unfeeling bastard. Well, if you skipped it all you need to know is that we’re merging with Test and moving to Delve post-tech nerf.

What the fuck dude?

It’s cool I’m kidding. We declined the offer of ratting rights in the south. We turned down the offer of neo moons. We handed over all space on Test’s request. They want the chance to stand on their own feet and if that means losing a war then they are pretty happy that that will strengthen their identity. Delvegoons probably get to shoot Test’s Delve allies like they’re U-Boat commanders when the Americas said “lolol convoys” in ’42.

– Endie

Send us Intel/Corrections

144 Comments

  1. O.o

    This seems like an enormously risky move from TEST, but I don't see it. They can still get large fleets and, despite the stereotypes, have decent FC's and can fight fairly well. Most importantly, if -A- decides they actually did want that sov they'll be fighting dead center US prime. That's a TZ completely controlled by the CFC, and a TZ TEST will most certainly get large numbers for.

    If it ends up just being fights in stain/catch, TEST will probably get beat up a bit.

    All in all, I think it's a good move. Stuff like this will make an alliance stronger.

    July 19, 2012 at 11:18 pm Reply
    1. Anom

      If anything good solid fights.

      July 20, 2012 at 1:37 am Reply
    2. TestGrunt

      Yeah, Im in TEST and early EU TZ. This plan doesnt make me happy :(

      July 20, 2012 at 12:06 pm Reply
    3. sdffsdsfdsfd

      as a TESTicle i worry about how we're going to do on our own, but i do think spreading our wings and shoboning out into the eve world on our own is the best thing we can do. i hope soco comes back for delve with a vengeance and i hope we have a wonderful slagfest over it, because win or lose test will be better from the experience.

      July 20, 2012 at 12:28 pm Reply
  2. Trololo

    And meanwhile the entire CFC that answered the horn of Gondor got to get an already sprawling alliance more space.

    Kind of annoyed that the entire thing came down as "ZOMGZ -A- IS GONNA INVADE!!" and "We gotta protect our brosefs", and it all turned out to be "Trololo, we <3 TEST the best, and they wanted more space to rat in and more moons!".

    Next time there is a deployment I am not going to bother unless I get a tangible benefit to myself or my Alliance, I am tired of putting people back into their space, or taking them new space, or defending their e-honour.

    July 19, 2012 at 11:25 pm Reply
    1. Trololo

      Because Tribute, Venal and Tenal, Cloud Ring, and now Delve/Querious/Period Basis all for the sake of someone else is getting on my tits.

      July 19, 2012 at 11:26 pm Reply
      1. Space Jam

        Good luck with that

        July 19, 2012 at 11:32 pm Reply
      2. Kratisto

        Do the CFC a favor and leave it, christ.

        July 20, 2012 at 1:52 am Reply
    2. Peggy from prime

      You will do what you're fucking told to do! And remember you're winning!

      July 20, 2012 at 1:31 am Reply
    3. Hench

      Protip: all CFC members have space and they all gained and secured it with the help of others. You're either retarded or not in a CFC alliance.

      July 20, 2012 at 1:37 am Reply
      1. facts

        Fountain was ground by NC supers.

        July 20, 2012 at 1:52 am Reply
        1. Tez

          Which was super nice of them (ha, a pun!). The war was already over at that point, though.

          July 20, 2012 at 7:35 am Reply
          1. history

            The part where NC got betrayed by CFC 2-3 months later was funny too

            July 20, 2012 at 9:56 am
          2. Former NC

            Curious as to why Goons sold out NC at that time, cause without NC goons wouldnt be where they are now, they would probably be IT bitches or something like that.

            July 20, 2012 at 10:27 am
          3. Former NC

            Also, all former NC alliances should reform, costing CFC about 65% of their membership, and take back what is rightfully theirs imo!!

            July 20, 2012 at 10:28 am
          4. Deep

            Because with the NC goons wouldn't be where they are now either friend.

            July 20, 2012 at 11:40 am
          5. sdffsdsfdsfd

            they didn't sell out the NC, they simply realized that there was a cancerous lecher element of NC leadership that was doing as much if not more to ensure their demise than the DRF rapetrain taking their space. they realized they had the opportunity, cut the fat, let the useless shit fall asunder and successfully pulled themselves out of what most people considered an unwinnable situation.

            July 20, 2012 at 12:40 pm
          6. Kratisto

            If the NC was "Sold out" you'd think Vuk lau and his corp, 4s, would have found it hard to join the coalition that did the betraying.

            Basically the current relationship with TEST will be the CFC's relationship with the old NC, which means it will not engage in the wars over its boder/buffer regions, but the -homeland- region (Fountain) will be treated like Tribute of a year and a half ago. Which is to say, If Querious burns (Geminate 2.0) the CFC will not show up, but when its Fountain fighting time, TEST can rely on a full fleet of allies, at the very least.

            Yes, Tribute timers saw a formup of 250 cfc, but by then the majority of the northern coalition membership had given up, lacking the plan and foresight to rally in Tribute. This plan was literally agreed to between the leadership of the NC and CFC, but the NC leadership was unable to rally their members, as their allies left 1 by 1, pretty much as they lost their respective capitals. NC leadership failed the NC.

            July 20, 2012 at 2:17 pm
          7. Easterner

            The geminate/vale alliances made up a huge proportion of NC fleets at the time. Goons had no interest in helping out RAGE, Brick, Gypsy etc. Once they were gone it was pretty much over, line in the sand or not. Of course Vuk Lau's tech black hole and kitchen sink fleets didn't do anything to help.

            A lot of the old NC grunts just shifted over to the CFC anyway. The bulk of the rest of them joined a- and co. or quit the game.

            Goons will defend the moment Fountain or even Delve comes under a serious threat, which is different to what happened with the old NC.

            July 21, 2012 at 10:46 am
    4. No one important

      It's called the Horn of Goondor. Get it right.

      July 20, 2012 at 2:20 am Reply
    5. Patriotic Goon

      Dude we are space america

      July 20, 2012 at 4:43 am Reply
    6. Imigo

      "unless I get a tangible benefit to myself or my Alliance"

      How about the fun of blowing up somebody else's stuff? Your alliance should have a reimbursement program, so any loss you might incur should be minimal.

      Engage with the game some more, you might enjoy it.

      July 20, 2012 at 5:46 am Reply
      1. Some CFC Dude

        I agree with Imigo… this little "war" has provoked some of the best fights I've been a part of in a while…

        July 20, 2012 at 2:28 pm Reply
        1. Shogun

          lol?

          July 22, 2012 at 11:27 am Reply
    7. Random CFC grunt

      if you don't like it. get out. Allies help each other. See if anyone else wants someone who won't defend their friends

      July 20, 2012 at 6:36 am Reply
    8. dobin

      Hey look an 'allie'

      July 20, 2012 at 8:15 am Reply
    9. Akrasjel Lanate

      And what did you expect

      July 20, 2012 at 9:45 am Reply
  3. SANTA

    eve turned to shit

    July 19, 2012 at 11:34 pm Reply
    1. why because you lost? You can't win every thing get better at the game learn to make better friends. O.o Lokie's SUCK BALLS!!!!

      July 20, 2012 at 11:04 am Reply
  4. Dunebugs

    Apparently all they really need to do is make sure the enemy fleets have 12 ships, not 6.

    July 19, 2012 at 11:38 pm Reply
    1. Iamien

      Exactly. We do better outnumbered 10-12 or 8-12 than we do 6 on 6.

      On the question on why… No fucking idea.

      July 20, 2012 at 1:26 pm Reply
  5. EVE Grunt

    eve turned to shit

    July 19, 2012 at 11:53 pm Reply
    1. Tez

      mlyp

      July 20, 2012 at 1:49 am Reply
    2. Scar

      Eve has always been shit. You just gotta make sure you're not the one with the most shit piled on top of you.

      July 20, 2012 at 2:08 am Reply
  6. M4ster112

    Moar space!

    July 20, 2012 at 12:07 am Reply
  7. Marcus_McTavish

    Test is all grown up and is making its own coalition in the south-west. This is good.

    AAA does not have the will to grind back Delve, Quer, or PB. And if they tried to use supers, well PL is still around.

    Eventually the CFC and HBC may spar and fight. Be glad they are not going to Catch.

    July 20, 2012 at 12:08 am Reply
    1. Peggy from prime

      Getting bailed out once again and handed 3 regions by mittens now qualifies test as "growing up"?
      Brilliant. …
      These guys would die from paper cuts if they had to wipe thier own arse.

      July 20, 2012 at 2:36 am Reply
      1. Whambulance

        Bailed out? Who bailed who out first. If i remember correctly HBC asked Goons and friends to NOT come down. But when this SoCo bullshit happened and -A- and friends came to help it was escalated and we allowed the rest of the CFC to come.

        Get your facts right next time.

        July 20, 2012 at 10:45 pm Reply
        1. face

          soco bullshit. you were invading them, test pl 99 tasha….. aaa comes and you needed even more help. you got bailed out

          July 21, 2012 at 2:16 pm Reply
    2. scared

      TLDR: CFC is evacing the south? 😛

      July 20, 2012 at 3:11 am Reply
      1. Kratisto

        evacuate is not the right word; it implies danger or a need for safety. Returning home after a successful deployment has a better ring, what with 2 regions steamrolled in 2 weeks.

        July 20, 2012 at 3:20 am Reply
        1. TESTBeating

          CFC tears best tears.

          July 21, 2012 at 11:18 am Reply
    3. Jita

      Why on earth would AAA want three regions when they happily just pissed them away to RA and the like in the first place?! They might of grinded them back if Nulli had not pissed its pants and ran off to empire. No I'm not so sure.

      Not going to Catch however is clearly the CFC backtracking on its chestbeating. Everyone heard these clowns screaming about how Catch was going burn.

      July 20, 2012 at 8:54 am Reply
      1. TestGruntBestGrunt

        In due time, pubbie.

        Just catching the breath after wiping your abandoned pets out of ~200 systems.

        Give us some slack. "You didn't kill us quick enough" is soooooo 2009.

        July 20, 2012 at 11:24 am Reply
        1. face

          ^ 15 at best

          July 21, 2012 at 2:17 pm Reply
    4. heh

      When things get tough, batphone PL

      July 20, 2012 at 9:51 am Reply
      1. lol

        and the entire CFC!

        July 20, 2012 at 2:05 pm Reply
    5. sdffsdsfdsfd

      I really hope -A- and SoCo do make moves back into Delve. as a TESTicle grunt i do believe the entire point of this move is to provoke an invasion and gain experience actually fighting to defend sov against another coalition, which is something TEST really needs if it wants to become a legitimate sovereign entity in Eve Alliance Spaceship MMORPG. i really hope SoCo brings it and i really hope we can defend our shit but chances are we're going to lose all of it and end up calling the CFC for help to save Fountain. either way, win or lose, we'll learn important shit and be better for it.

      July 20, 2012 at 12:43 pm Reply
      1. ROFL

        Too bad you testies don't have the balls to fight equal numbers (the whole lacking skill thing). Take the entire test alliance and slap them together you might get 2 brain cells among the lot of them :)

        July 20, 2012 at 1:42 pm Reply
        1. XIX Pilot

          Sov war never was about balls and honour.

          July 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm Reply
          1. Easterner

            Yeah, I never understood people talking about honor and blobs in sov warfare. There's lots of options for smaller gang stuff if you want to test your skill at the game. Or even better play something based on fair competition like an RTS, FPS or fighting game.

            Sov war is about griefing, being tediously annoying and demoralising your opponent until they give up.

            July 21, 2012 at 11:48 am
      2. sleeper

        ….because defensive war is so much more fun than offensive war.

        You Test/Goon grunts are totally retarded – all of you. The only reason your leaders stopped the offensive is their fear, there will be too soon nothing left for them to justify their blue standings.

        July 20, 2012 at 1:42 pm Reply
        1. yeahderp

          how is "grinding nulli and vera's sov" stopping an offensive?

          -a- is laughable at this point. they weren't able to defend 3 regions and now are saying "yeah but, we're awesome you can't take 4 regions" i personally am laughing my ass off at that one. in most cases, loosing 3 out of 4 regions would already be a loss.

          -a- is crap, not even good crap. -a- is the crap I take after I drink too much cheap beer, sliding down the back of the toiler.

          July 22, 2012 at 4:57 pm Reply
    6. Marcus IsGay

      Your mouth is really big for a renter, Marcus. Must be from sucking so much CFC cock.

      July 23, 2012 at 4:08 pm Reply
      1. Marcus_McTavish

        Oh Gosh you looked me up in-game. Yeay my corp rents from NCdot. They are a great bunch of people.

        I considered AAA Citizens but besides your shitty stigma all of the rules and regulations to milk the renters of all they get was pretty bad, not to mention all your botters.

        On a side note, you quite literally are retarded. OTEC does not equal allies much less pets.

        Don't get me wrong i used to like AAA, when they used to be AAA, they are some nth post-"daytrip" to stain arrogant alliance, that is fueled by misconceptions and lies.

        July 25, 2012 at 1:45 am Reply
  8. TestGruntBestGrunt

    In a totally unbiased (for once) way, I think we should be beat in war, from time to time.

    It'd help develop character and personality.

    This is a good time to remove the training wheels.

    July 20, 2012 at 12:27 am Reply
    1. thatguy

      had the chance to get beaten up but called big brother instead ?

      now it's a case of "oh shit they rolled over and died", maybe we should learn to fight on our own.

      July 20, 2012 at 1:35 pm Reply
      1. testie

        We have buffer now. Space that we are able to say we didn't want anyway.

        July 20, 2012 at 1:37 pm Reply
  9. pl pet, best pet

    its a trap, c u in catch

    July 20, 2012 at 12:32 am Reply
  10. duder

    This is a fantastic piece of work, very funny :p

    July 20, 2012 at 12:35 am Reply
  11. Boogie_Jones

    Confirmed I helped burn down 3 regions for the sweet blood raider jew gold.

    Cause lasers.

    July 20, 2012 at 12:47 am Reply
  12. dfhgdfy

    eve is shit

    July 20, 2012 at 12:57 am Reply
    1. yes, that's why you read this and felt the need to post about it. we all hate eve so much we play it? and they say testis are fail. -Test- enjoy your new blood raider rats. Might want to train for amarr ships.

      July 20, 2012 at 11:03 am Reply
  13. lol

    i think we all know that the moment systems starts to fall, test will batphone for help.

    July 20, 2012 at 12:58 am Reply
    1. Tez

      TEST leadership is actually quite keen on being invaded and possibly losing. We're well past due for a crushing defeat and getting kicked out of a region.

      July 20, 2012 at 1:32 am Reply
      1. Anon

        How would you know, you've always played the role of Goonswarm bitch

        July 20, 2012 at 1:54 am Reply
        1. derp2

          How would he know what? That test is keen on being invaded?

          He's test leadership bra.

          July 20, 2012 at 2:25 am Reply
      2. Duh

        Yes, lets not remember our invasion attempt to Vale and Geminite, when Raiden came stomping our asses

        July 20, 2012 at 4:26 am Reply
        1. Tez

          How is what we did in Vale and Geminite anything like "being invaded and losing"

          July 20, 2012 at 6:30 am Reply
      3. anonymous

        Then why did you call all of the CFC when you were going to lose in delve?

        July 20, 2012 at 4:28 am Reply
        1. Tez

          I'm not talking about losing a campaign, we've done plenty of that. I'm talking about being invaded and becoming space homeless.

          July 20, 2012 at 7:38 am Reply
          1. anonimouse

            The question still stands. Why did you call all of the CFC when you were going to lose in delve? Especially taking into consideration that the CFC gathering call was 'quick, SoCo wants to invade Fountain'.

            July 20, 2012 at 11:38 am
          2. Tez

            Well, two points:

            1. CFC was called in because the rest of the southern alliances were called in for a 700+ pilot formup against our 300. They called in all their friends, we called in ours.

            2. To the best of my memory, the gathering call wasn't that SoCo wants to invade Fountain, but that if a southern blob organizes into an actual coalition they could start pushing north and Fountain would be the logical first step. So we formed up to smash it apart before it could become an effective force.

            This shit isn't rocket science, guys.

            July 22, 2012 at 12:03 am
          3. -=-

            I do remember flying in Vale of Silent with Test and wondering WTF just happened?

            July 20, 2012 at 11:58 am
        2. sdffsdsfdsfd

          the rest of the CFC was invited because Nulli and RA pussied up, blued each other and batphoned -A-, and it went from gudfites initiative to fuck you we're burning everything if you're going to be bitches about this.

          July 20, 2012 at 12:36 pm Reply
  14. Blappin

    Wouldnt the time for them to have proven that they can stand on thier own been this passing war? Now their just being handed 3 Regions that no one will try to take because the CFC will just show up again. TEST had a good opportunity now they just look like babies that cried for help and got what they wanted.

    July 20, 2012 at 1:15 am Reply
    1. Hench

      Yeah, we're babies for not taking regions with a 1:2 pilot ratio.

      July 20, 2012 at 1:40 am Reply
      1. fuck goons

        learn to count you retard, there were hardly 14k soco allies (and thats cfcs count of 3-4 alliances that werent even there imp-l init rol stain etc…) test has 8k by themselves + 99 percent and exe gents, and the other fountain allies and you have nearly the same number, not to mention they already had PL's support. fuckwit

        July 20, 2012 at 1:56 am Reply
        1. ddsddsd

          I think he's referring to the time at the start of the Delve war (if we can call it that) when nulli escalated the conflict and brought in aaa. At that time, HBC was reinforcing a system, when the soco dropped around 700 players on them. The HBC had around 300-350 people in the fleets.

          You are trully retarded if you think that the total people in the alliance reflects the number of people they can put out in fleets. No fucking way.

          I have a question though, why is it that everybody is butt hurt that test got to 4 regions, when aaa has 3 (with less people in their alliance mind you). Why is it not fair?

          July 20, 2012 at 6:33 am Reply
          1. History

            The start of the conflict was Nulli kicking the shit through PL and PL crying to TEST for help. Then PL and TEST starting to hit SOV. Nulli then asked for backup and out came the entire CFC.

            July 20, 2012 at 8:51 am
          2. ddsddsd

            Nulli then asked for backup and out came the entire CFC.

            When you say that above, it sounds like the CFC came for nulli's help, you just actually avoided the point i made above, and the point the OP made.
            "when nulli escalated the conflict and brought in aaa. " Yes, they were having their shit reinforced, but they escalated first.
            Oh, and PL + Test combined where the ones who were atacking nulli and RA. PL calling for help from TEST? i mean, they aint what they used to be, but damn boy.. that's just stupid.

            July 20, 2012 at 10:56 am
          3. ddstrgf

            No, PL started alone first and then escalated by calling in Test and then started to take sow. Nulli just reacted to an escalation.

            July 20, 2012 at 11:34 am
          4. -=-

            Sov takeover is a little more escalating that getting your buddies to stop it.

            July 20, 2012 at 11:52 am
          5. sdffsdsfdsfd

            we weren't reinforcing a system, we were attacking a CSAA. i was there/eve is real.

            July 20, 2012 at 12:37 pm
      2. The_Oracle86

        lol someone failed at maths, even empire carebears know the manpower cfc has and its more like 3-4:1 ratios most of the time. And yes you did get spoonfed sov. The only thing TEST earned this war, is that they still need their hands held when crossing the road. Nut up or Shut up.

        July 20, 2012 at 12:30 pm Reply
        1. DRF is fun

          Ssssssh dont tell them, -A- is lolling and running around Happy that they will be able to farm TEST pubbies only 3 jumps away.

          Ooh the good times have come

          July 20, 2012 at 1:30 pm Reply
          1. ROFL

            I've been farming test pubbies for a while now, they're retarded and easy to kill.

            Thank you for contributing to my KB testies o/

            July 20, 2012 at 1:37 pm
          2. yeahderp

            kb green! sov lost! we're winning guys! break out the beers

            July 22, 2012 at 5:05 pm
  15. Hench

    What will happen is that we will roam and send fleets to catch constantly and get outblobbed/isked by them, keep doing that until something serious happens, and then bring the 300 pilot pain.

    July 20, 2012 at 1:38 am Reply
    1. eryerty

      300 testies dont cause pain

      July 22, 2012 at 1:25 am Reply
  16. Peggy from prime

    Goodnight sweet Vince…..goodnight.

    July 20, 2012 at 2:19 am Reply
  17. imadrake

    test and goons will always remain homonyms in the rest of eve's eyes

    July 20, 2012 at 2:32 am Reply
  18. LOLz

    So much for goons and their promise of destroying AAA. Did even a single AAA System fall? How predictable.

    July 20, 2012 at 4:21 am Reply
    1. i don't know when leadership saying "take delve, querious, and PB" turned into "hunt -A- until its dead" in the minds of pubbies.

      July 20, 2012 at 7:37 am Reply
      1. Jita

        Take Catch was clearly there but we all knew the CFC was too nutless for the task.

        July 20, 2012 at 8:49 am Reply
        1. YOU ARE ALL STUPID

          We haven't even finished taking he space in those new regions . You're absolutely retarded. We'dbe stupid not to take time to consolidate our new holdings before moving any further.

          July 20, 2012 at 4:35 pm Reply
          1. Colonel

            no, you are retarded yourself. Who would be able to take away tht space you have just conquered? I tell you: nobody. There is nothing to consolidate in Delve and Querious, because there is nobody left to fight Goons for Sov.

            Mittani and Herc made a NIP. AAA will silently fail at taking back Querious or Delve, because it was not their space anyways. Goons let AAA live and go back North to carebear the rest of the summer.

            July 20, 2012 at 6:42 pm
          2. Dogbeast

            do you want some pepto bismo? you seem to be shitting out of your mouth

            July 21, 2012 at 7:22 am
        2. the martini

          Excuse us for taking a break after conquering 3 entire regions in less than 3 weeks.

          But hey, "they're not winning fast enough" is an old one when figthing the CFC.

          July 20, 2012 at 5:38 pm Reply
        3. clusterfucker

          what the fuck would we ever want to go to that shit region for? good god it's bad enough we had to grind through your other 3 regions

          July 21, 2012 at 11:31 pm Reply
    2. Newsflash

      This here is what AAA has been saying in 319 local for a while. Their friends are loosing space but they don't care because its not AAA space. It's the reason why having AAA as friends has no value during a war. It will also be the reason that when the moment comes that they'll need help, nobody else will be there to help them.

      July 20, 2012 at 10:26 am Reply
  19. NullSecNoob

    "The Boatman, after all, has no “medium” setting." Destined to be a classic.

    July 20, 2012 at 4:48 am Reply
  20. ????

    WTF is this article even about?

    July 20, 2012 at 5:30 am Reply
    1. Imigo

      Words. They're hard.

      July 20, 2012 at 11:19 am Reply
  21. Random CFC grunt

    I really hope to see TEST grow and prosper from this. Good luck guys o7 make sure to kill a lot of -A- ships for us when they wonder in your space.

    July 20, 2012 at 6:34 am Reply
    1. A grunt

      ROFL….u believe in one word u said???

      July 20, 2012 at 5:14 pm Reply
  22. TESTspanker

    TEST are terrible!

    July 20, 2012 at 8:36 am Reply
    1. Captain Salmon

      Yes we are! Wouldn't change a thing.

      July 23, 2012 at 10:02 am Reply
  23. that guy

    fun read thanks

    *INSERT COMPULSORY EVE IS SHIT CAUSE I'M LOSING COMMENT HERE*

    July 20, 2012 at 8:41 am Reply
  24. Oh boy

    the story sounds way to complex to be true

    everybody has their bet on "bait and switch"

    July 20, 2012 at 9:24 am Reply
  25. bob

    So basically we are leaving them to do their own stuff but if they get stomped we will come and help as usual?

    Failing to see the difference from the last couple of years…..

    July 20, 2012 at 9:43 am Reply
  26. bob

    0.0 in EVE is really shit at the moment, Nothing new on the horizon and CCP pandering to the Goons doesn;t help.

    July 20, 2012 at 9:44 am Reply
    1. Imigo

      Just think, the bigger the CFC gets, the more targets you'll have to shoot. How could that possibly be bad?

      July 20, 2012 at 11:17 am Reply
      1. Dogbeast

        whoosh, right over his head

        July 21, 2012 at 7:31 am Reply
    2. Hur

      I too consider a nerf to Technetium to be pandering to goons.

      July 21, 2012 at 8:54 am Reply
      1. Dur

        And yes, what a mighty fine nerf it will be. It's a nerf in name only. Also, DekCo controls the space where the majority of the "nerf" will be found.

        July 23, 2012 at 9:24 pm Reply
  27. CFC + HBC= Bro fist

    July 20, 2012 at 9:51 am Reply
    1. Dogbeast

      CFC + HBC = Test on a leash being held by goons

      July 21, 2012 at 7:32 am Reply
      1. TESTBeating

        Exactly! This is the most transparent attempt at propaganda yet. Test has about a 0.00001% chance of winning against -a- without Goon cum to guzzle, I can literally smell the bullshit from across the fucking ocean lol. Test are not the most diplomatic people in New Eden either so there's quite a large probability of some dumb bastard shooting off his mouth one too many times sulking off mumbling something about "I didn't want that cock in my mouth anyway." It also kinda looks like the Goons don't wanna fight anymore, kinda like their balls shrank and they ran away leaving the meatshield (for experience? w/e sunshine) to protect their puke inducing, sponsored by KFC, take two seats up on the plane, stores water like a camels hump asses. I don't know what is really goin on here, but it certainly isn't as advertised.

        July 21, 2012 at 11:14 am Reply
        1. the martini

          The HBC probably wont make tremendous progress in -A- territory, but there is no fucking way they actually lose the war. -A- is pretty much left alone due to their terrible treatment of their allies (protip: letting them lose their space, staying docked when they fight and using long range ships so their brawl fleet serve as a buffer is NOT a good way to keep your friends).

          Delve is ours for good, and querious/period basis will be a pain in the ass for -A- to grind back if we ever stop defending them.

          July 21, 2012 at 1:56 pm Reply
          1. TESTBeating

            PB and Delve were never -a- space to have to "grind back" anyway retard. If Nulli, who can't fit their ships properly and who basically started this shitstorm when they spat their dummy out over RA being given space next to them, want to run away like faggots that's up to them, the fact of the matter from -a- perspective is that they still have PLENTY of allies (everyone hates your guts so much it's not difficult diplomatically) and zero incursions into their territory. It shows your complete inexperience to even imagine that -a- is already beaten, the fight hasn't even started and it's gonna get real uncomfortable for you guys. Test get stomped by small 20 man gangs in their home systems so how they gonna win a single fight against -a- on their own? The answer is so blindingly obvious we'll just skip on straight to the next question, why are Test going to extraordinary lengths to publicize this new solo venture? Also blindingly obvious, the rest of the CFC/PL cocksucking brigade isn't going anywhere and are hoping that -a- will get careless because they can't win a square go, or oblong if you take into account the CFC numbers advantage. These are the facts 1. -a- are not as fucking stupid as you wished they were 2. Test really are the worst alliance in New Eden 3. Americans are morbidly obese and deny evolution.

            July 22, 2012 at 9:01 am
          2. WTF

            at least Nulli is fighting instead of -A-
            http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_related&kll_id=14

            Mittens already called his goons back home.
            Maybe -A- can then mop up the Delve tourists that infested the sacred Thunderdome.

            July 22, 2012 at 10:37 am
          3. yeahderp

            somebody is scared. wow.

            July 22, 2012 at 4:41 pm
          4. Anonamouse

            This war is only just getting started.

            July 22, 2012 at 12:06 pm
  28. dobin

    I do hope TEST resets some of the CFC allies, at least to 0 – that would be entertaining.

    July 20, 2012 at 1:46 pm Reply
    1. Dogbeast

      that won't ever happen. thats like saying goons are going to remove one of their thousands of blues

      July 21, 2012 at 7:26 am Reply
      1. Captain Salmon

        It has already happened. Test reset FA, RZR, BLM, and some others before the Delve invasion. Currently we are busy resurrecting 3 regions from rubble. Should nobody choose to fight us in the south, we will scrap with our neighbors to the north instead.

        July 23, 2012 at 9:58 am Reply
  29. sleeper

    you know, why so many people, who are not Goons are upset about this and Goons in general are so quiet?

    Because the decision to retreat is wrong. plain and simple. It will not make the South grow into a real enemy, nor will it help the North to maintain their powr. PVP has lost. Mittani won.

    July 20, 2012 at 1:47 pm Reply
  30. buggrit

    Guy at least can write some, I can't help but think of reporters who're ten times worse. Oh wait…

    July 20, 2012 at 2:34 pm Reply
  31. jb1060

    wow, i didnt read any of that, except for like the first 2 sentences from a few paragraphs….

    July 20, 2012 at 4:02 pm Reply
  32. Eldar

    So … Get nothing as reward and moving away? This, for me, only means: TEST became Goons Pet?!!! lol

    July 20, 2012 at 5:12 pm Reply
  33. eve is real

    Test got 3 regions to place bots and carbears in – fine!!
    -A- will love to farm these totally unskilled noobs and I will salvage them ALL!

    Viking Empire boss "cracken" will sell even more of his bots…or are they for free for NOT getting attacked????????? http://evemaps.dotlan.net/map/Querious/XLL-Z7

    July 20, 2012 at 5:13 pm Reply
    1. whatever

      FORGE is blue to TEST now, guess all the bragging about their goon director "spy" was true after all… 😛

      anybody still remembers this?

      "(( BROADCAST – Replies are not monitored. ))

      Vikings dude posted this on german forums [email protected]: we are coming to delve with PL in a week will clean house
      [email protected]: I can probably get PL to blue you but not RA
      [email protected]: probably give most of Delve to either PL or to you
      [email protected]: anyways, if you wanna stay
      [email protected]: I have the horn of goondor
      [email protected]: I can bring thousands of CFC dudes down if I need
      [email protected]: well you need to decide if your gonna stick with RA or with TEST

      It was not the whole conversation. As such;

      (6:03:07 PM) pleaseignore.com: Viking Empire is reset for being niggers.

      #### SENT BY – Montolio to all @ Apr 18 2012 22:03:07 EVE Time #### "

      lol

      July 21, 2012 at 1:27 pm Reply
  34. Eve Pilot

    -A- allies lost 2 entire regions while -A- fleets got welped over and over, yet some whoe, -A- is still chestbeating like they've won…

    July 20, 2012 at 6:29 pm Reply
    1. KarnKorland

      That's how they do. Every time they lose all their space and get kicked to the Stain curb, they act like it's "all part of the plan". Goons getting tired of dumpstering them and heading home? "WE BEAT GOONS!"

      July 20, 2012 at 8:21 pm Reply
  35. lostinspace

    NEWSFLASH: -A- doesn't give two shits about your SOV land grab now that Nulli gave up and took their ball home. They'll happily farm these reds and undoubtedly quite thankful not to have to trek to Fountain to do it.

    July 20, 2012 at 7:07 pm Reply
    1. dicks

      You seem to think that TEST has the only dumb idiots to farm. My few weeks in Catch prove that dumb idiots are everywhere.

      July 20, 2012 at 8:05 pm Reply
      1. yeahderp

        why does -a- have so much sov if it doesn't want it? face it -a-'s getting prison raped and hates it lol.

        July 22, 2012 at 5:00 pm Reply
        1. neut

          cause no one else is strong enuff to take and hold AAA core regions. farming test pubbies is gonna b fun.

          July 22, 2012 at 6:23 pm Reply
  36. War Observer

    TL:DR wersopn: Testis are embarrassed by their reputation of fluffers subsisting on Goon cum so they want us to pretend they are able to survive on their own.

    July 20, 2012 at 7:09 pm Reply
  37. Qwerty4812

    testys yay

    July 21, 2012 at 6:44 am Reply
  38. German at Normandy

    OMFG AMERIKUNZ BLOBBED US

    July 22, 2012 at 6:21 am Reply
    1. You're welcome

      Don't you mean 'American, British, Canadian, Australian, Belgian, Polish, Czech, France, Greek and Dutch forces blobbed us'.

      It's ok, it's a common CFC mistake to make.

      July 22, 2012 at 7:23 am Reply
  39. Captain Salmon

    Endie sure has a way with words.

    HBC shut down AAA's first forray into Querious in 49- earlier. AAA abandoned their only competent US TZ ally in Nulli, and are going to have an exceedingly difficult time doing anything but roaming with TEST setting US-prime timers. Good luck in geminate Nulli, and I hope you have more fun working with Black Legion.

    July 23, 2012 at 10:12 am Reply

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