Got this piece via dropbox, but then I found the original posted in the EVE-O forums. In it, the OP – 3BEPEB – calls for further Awoxing attempts to “break the goons game” after calling Goons chubby, lazy carebears who are prone to get their ships awoxed. He also invites everyone to do their part.

Will it work? I don’t know, but it was a funny read indeed.

The Awoxer – Goons Have Been Pwned

“I pwned goons! I owned goooOOooOooOOoons hahahaha!” – such exclamations could be heared on a cabin already mine from now on and ever dreadnought, when I dragged cyno in the necessary system at last and jumped out on a fresh-snatched Moros from goon’s carebear paradise directly in wild and thin nullsec :)

It was very fun and joyful, and it became even more joyful after one of POS owners from whom dread was stolen, convoed me at the moment I tried to save enough cappa for a jump on the second to cyno (the cappa do not restore in logoff mode lol). Conversation was not so long and it ended with buttheart (the former owners of Moros were butthearting for a several days after, but I didn’t lose this time for nothing). I jumped out in the following system, but there was one more jump to lowsec, and there was already Down Time.

Right after DT it did not turn out to login, so when I logged in – there was this Goon – Kuschke in local, in proud loneliness, but there were his combat probes on scan. And again I had to save cappa for a jump, and I desperately had to check distant and close scanrange, I’ve cheked a killboard of this Kuschke, understood that he was in a tengu and most likely with a cyno onboard, because most of his corpmates were online, and I had the unique thought during that moment – what would I do if they tackle me? Should I logoff or just lost their own Moros to them? :) well while I‘ve been reflecting and checking goon character’s info, capacitor have reached the necessary condi_tion – 75 % and I jumped to Jan Solar System, in dock range, no bump, but there were a lot of Goons in local, and pubbies also (Goon’s word for the spongers who does not belong to a goonswarm federation alliance directly, and not only spongers, sense of this word approximately such – plebeian weak-willed herd), goons didn’t pay any attention to me strangely enough, moreover, no one even tried to kill my cyno.

Having safely driven away dread in a Forge I equipped a convoy fleet: rupture with the t2 industrial and according to the recommendation of the same old Kuschke to “burn in a hell” I forwarded straight to the goonswarm capital – VFK, I’ve been funking around all day long? plundered about 7 control towers in total, most of it were goon’s towers and a few pet’s towers. By the way, on my way back home I met the previous owner of my Moros – It was goon called Supadupadave. He treated me kindly with a pair of gentle words in local chat and called me to fight with him, asking me to decloak… at this moment I’ve been gnawing corporate hangar’s structure of goon’s POS in the same system, I don’t know how could he think that I am cloacked, but anyway the person who leaves capitals without any protection have The right to think about everything anytime and anywhere he likes, thanks to this kind of people I earn isks for plexes eventually uhahahaha

So, what am I talking about? Oh yeah! Friends! Let’s press goons wherever you meet them! If you have aan alt in goonswarm – bump out anything you can, steal from corphangars and open friendly fire! After all Goonswarm Alliance does not simply welcomed all this, but propagandized and propagandizes to this day!
Goons are quite weak now for the reason that they don’t have neither worthy rivals, nor any global purposes (there were no global ops announcements at their ally forum for a last half a year!!!) members of alliance became fat and most of them engaged in carebear’s stuff only, they do not care any hostile treats in claimed or NPC locals. So for the benefit of goonswarm I suggest to relieve superfluous goon’s stuff, who knows, it can become their saviour. But if we would not help to our yellow-black brothers, they will simply fail under their own weight soon. And Eve will not be Eve without them after all…

… more shortly, goons are the new xdeathx, without mentioning solars lol, but goon’s claim is more profitable than any other at the moment imho

And now I would like to appeal to those who read it and thought to himself something like this: “Again, this beast had robbed someone and flaunts it, and yet I’m the same as those innocent carebears”, and so, if you really think so, just remember about the Jita on fire in late April, how many times you’ve been shoot in the Jita and Perimeter? Think of how many times have you personally been suicided in empire? And how many tearful stories about lost badgers with plexes, implants and Orca blueprint copies in cargo did you hear from your suicided friends? Do you remember goon’s blob helping your enemies to reinforce your autpost? Remember the soaring prices of oxygen izotopes, planetary stuff and plexes at last! How do you think who financed Jita’s burn? Who is sponsoring suicides and goon’s jihad in empire? The same carebears who currently live in peace in Deklein and Venal. And who plays with the market and speculates on innovations? The same carebears who rearrange market orders 24/7. And after that you still have sympathy for the poor yellow-black carebears? Well, then remember that if they got a chance to destroy your tower, to burn your Orca in a belt, to suicide your industrial in hisec, to sell a plex to you at an inflated double cost – they would not hesitate to do it, but the subjunctive here doesn’t suit – they’re doing it now, at this very moment, with every one of us, and specifically with you!

And what happened? After all this, don’t you ever have the desire to fit the same bomber, and not even particularly hoping for success, fly to Deklein, bomb any outpost’s dock range couple of times, even kill a couple of careless viators if you are lucky or for example shoot a goon’s pod 2005 year of birth, self-confidently tangled in his own mobile on a gate? Even if you’ll die, so what? Just think, if everyone who has ever even suicided by goons will bomb goon’s undocks or catch hulk-bots in their belts, goons will not survive, do you understand? So what are you sitting, what are you waiting for? Take a rifter and move out – make a contribution to save goonswarm from certain death from obesity and lack of discipline!

Thank goons of bearing gifts, but you should not be afraid of them, there is no one to be afraid of in goonswarm.

Here is curious convo log:

Kuschke > hey
3BEPEB > 0/
Kuschke > its not cool with your awoxer stealing ships
3BEPEB > what?
Kuschke > what what what? your awoxer goon toon is soon out of alliance
3BEPEB > i dont understand
Kuschke > you stole my friends moros
3BEPEB > speak russian please
Kuschke > and bumped it out with a Goonswarm player
3BEPEB > no, i did not
3BEPEB > it’s a mistake
Kuschke > lol i know what you did :)
Kuschke > and soon the GSF leadership will know it oo
3BEPEB > m8 are u crazy?
Kuschke > give me that moros back and we’re fine
3BEPEB > what r u talking about?
Kuschke > or your goontoon is history in goonswarm
3BEPEB > what is goontoon?
3BEPEB > i dont have alt, i am main char
Kuschke > yes lies to your mother
Kuschke > 43years old and proud like a with did **** in the pants
Kuschke > baby*
3BEPEB > how did u know my age?
Kuschke > and i know your altchar too
3BEPEB > i dont have an alt m8
Kuschke > lies
Kuschke > hes dead
Kuschke > soon :)
Kuschke > and official an awoxer
3BEPEB > what is awoxer?
Kuschke > you is an awoxer 😉
3BEPEB > i dont know this word
3BEPEB > or, i am sorry for my bad english m8
Kuschke > burn in hell ************

Cya in Goonswarm! Fly safe 07

* Awoxer – a character introduced in any corporation in order to spy on, to rob and to friendly tackle. He has been working “under cover” up to a certain event, or before receiving the order, after which it performs its task (tasks may be very different? For example: to burn cyno for an enemy fleet, to bump out something from a force field, rob / kill corpmates, and much to the confusion etc.), often the task is performed without regard to the fact that it will be disclosed. Therefore, “if you awoxing – do it big’. Goons have a whole article about awoxing in Goonwiki. Don’t be surprised if the word is invented by them, so their wiki says that once completed the task “You must post the **** after, so it is written (in the wiki) so it must be!”. As a goon with the experience I have fulfilled my duty and I hope to get another possibility to do it again.

P.S. yes yes, of course there are those who say: “So what? Moros? I have 10 dreads!” exactly the same thing goons wrote to me, that they have 5 and 6, dread and carriers, and motherships, and even titan… get my point?

oh, and never bump capitals with a BC, better take a BS, it’ll be much faster and easier.



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  1. Someguy

    It reads like it was written by a 12 year old. From what I can make out…the TLDR is: "I awoxed, you should too." Right, thanks for that. In other news, my friends bantam got stolen. EN24 exclusive?

    May 21, 2012 at 1:39 pm Reply
    1. Jerry

      God forbid someone doesn't speak perfect english

      May 21, 2012 at 2:14 pm Reply
    2. Lugalbandak

      goon dude detected , you mad?

      May 21, 2012 at 2:46 pm Reply
      1. DRF is fun

        He very mad.

        May 21, 2012 at 3:36 pm Reply
  2. Mach

    That's how you deal with Dreads :

    May 21, 2012 at 1:40 pm Reply
  3. omgwtfbbq


    May 21, 2012 at 1:45 pm Reply
  4. Smugtroll

    Lmao, Nice one fella!

    May 21, 2012 at 1:47 pm Reply
  5. MonsterUnderGoonsBed

    Dropping roles, moving Alt to NPC, forgot how much I like shooting those big fat backstabbinglazycarebearingmoongoo fetishists

    May 21, 2012 at 1:48 pm Reply
  6. praying

    Special thanks to -a- who killed me 6 or 7 times before i got to deklein hahaha

    May 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm Reply
  7. Guest

    The post could have been a bit more thought out on how you place the words upon the page.
    There is no clarity of thought and you bounce all over the page from one thought to another.

    As far as the theft. Big deal. yawn. this happens all the time in Eve.

    Steal a titan or a super cap. dreads are dime a dozen and only worth a few billion. At least then you got the most bang for the buck for the character you placed in the Goon alliance.

    Just my thoughts if I was to consider such actions.

    May 21, 2012 at 1:58 pm Reply
  8. OMGFrigates Warpout

    I to stand in proud loneliness in efforts to help my yellow-black brothers.

    May 21, 2012 at 1:59 pm Reply
  9. Yawn

    EN24 firmly cementing its lemon spot as the worst eve site on the web with another irrelevant article with a 12 year old's grammar and spelling.

    May 21, 2012 at 2:03 pm Reply
  10. Another Former NC

    Niceeeeeeeee! You are crazy men.

    May 21, 2012 at 2:17 pm Reply
  11. Random CFC Grunt

    Ok, no TL;DR so I didn't bother reading all those letters. I offer my sincere congratulations for your not-so-noble achievement. You stole a dread! FUCK YEAH! The corp you stole it from, the Alliance and of course the whole CFC must now be devastated and will surely failcascade within days. You evil person!

    May 21, 2012 at 2:26 pm Reply
      1. Burnjita

        damagecontrol? come on. hes right. its just a dread. assets of much more value get stolen right in the moment iam writing this…

        May 21, 2012 at 3:30 pm Reply
        1. DRF is fun

          So go write about it.

          May 21, 2012 at 3:37 pm Reply
      2. Random CFC Grunt

        Don't get me wrong riv, I give no fucks about some guy losing his dread – deserved it for being stupid, the point is – the title says "GOONS have been pwned" which in turn suggests something far more … expensive. Change it to "A Goon has been pwned", which reflects the actual story a bit better.

        May 21, 2012 at 3:37 pm Reply
      3. TESTDOT.

        you're such a shit poster.

        May 21, 2012 at 8:41 pm Reply
    1. nullsecnoob

      You have to admit, stealing a dread is a pretty good trick. Not a big dent financially but I applaud the effort sir.

      May 21, 2012 at 4:33 pm Reply
    2. Delvian

      Rounding up corp mates to +1 your comment?

      May 21, 2012 at 9:20 pm Reply
    3. The grammar nazi

      Everything on EVE24 is TL;DR

      May 21, 2012 at 10:24 pm Reply
    4. Random Miner

      because all the things goons do are noble…. lets all hop in a catty and die to concord for no reason everybody! It's Noble!!!

      May 22, 2012 at 3:06 am Reply
      1. Karttoon

        Yep – Goon tears when it happens to them are great – People should follow the OP and do this kinda stuff to them more

        May 22, 2012 at 7:23 am Reply
  12. I've stolen more than this in one go several times, yet you don't see me assaulting a keyboard about it.

    Why in the hell so EN24 publish this shit, really :(

    May 21, 2012 at 2:29 pm Reply
  13. dave

    this is one of the most illiterate pieces of eve-related writing I have ever read.

    May 21, 2012 at 2:45 pm Reply
  14. Sucker

    Wow, you sound like the average retard in EVE

    Oh look I steal stuff, I'm so good!

    May 21, 2012 at 2:50 pm Reply
  15. .....

    wouldnt say goons got pwnd, more like some retard who left his moros in a pos unmaned..

    May 21, 2012 at 2:53 pm Reply
  16. Goonman

    OMFG, It will turn the tide of the game…

    May 21, 2012 at 3:05 pm Reply

    Evenews24, relegated to reporting awoxing as cutting edge news.

    Riverini's last throws of desperation or some form of subtle troll?

    May 21, 2012 at 3:10 pm Reply
  18. LOL.

    this guys language makes me think "if it looks like a goon" (check) "quacks like a goon" (check) i call that bird a goon.

    May 21, 2012 at 3:27 pm Reply
  19. rofl

    yo 3BEPEB i'm happy for you and imma let you finish, but suas is the one best goon robber of all time.

    May 21, 2012 at 3:29 pm Reply
  20. If there's an actual story you can forgive the godawful grammar and spelling but this is some pitiful shit.

    May 21, 2012 at 3:32 pm Reply
  21. Ex X.W.X

    I think there is a hidden context behind this movie – did anyone see an evil bee at the end of the movie?
    Cmon, what's that about? Goons are evil now? LOL, they wouldn't hurt a fly…..Or someone wants them to be evil? Think about it…nothing epic is happening, people all bored and some even start talking about North vs South action. And how convenient, this "i hate goons" just in time! Make one an evil target – and you'll see all blood suckers and haters be all over you in no time ….. .

    May 21, 2012 at 3:33 pm Reply
  22. Random eve player

    Fun littel story plz. post on riv, and fuck those assholes, who think that only their playstyle is eve. And everybody else is fail. EVE IS SO MANY DIFFERENT THINGS!

    May 21, 2012 at 3:37 pm Reply
  23. some goon

    One dread got stolen? Can I get my own article on EN24 about how I lost a ratting Drake in an anomaly last week?

    May 21, 2012 at 4:20 pm Reply
    1. Karttoon

      Write it up and send it in – Or quit bitching when other people provide the site with articles. Just because YOU don't like it does not mean others won't enjoy it.

      May 22, 2012 at 7:36 am Reply
  24. skullair

    In the Time it would take to read this goons have made the isk back in Tech

    May 21, 2012 at 4:30 pm Reply
    1. some goon

      We're spending that on Drakes and Maelstroms, not replacing some idiot's stolen dread.

      May 21, 2012 at 4:40 pm Reply
  25. nullsecnoob

    Stealing anyone's Dread is a nice trick I dont care what anyone says. Is it up for sale?

    May 21, 2012 at 4:38 pm Reply
  26. eve idiot

    He should put that on his McDonalds application, maybe they will start him on fries instead of mops.

    May 21, 2012 at 5:04 pm Reply
  27. FA

    Goons suck and they know it that's why they are deploying tofeel better.

    May 21, 2012 at 6:30 pm Reply
  28. M.F. Doom

    Time to get a goontoon. =)

    May 21, 2012 at 7:25 pm Reply
  29. Rotcrotch

    Bet you've made the same comment here a dozen times, and yet you still come back…

    May 21, 2012 at 7:32 pm Reply
    1. He won't be coming back :)

      May 21, 2012 at 7:57 pm Reply
  30. Bob_the_Bitcher

    Huh – Goons get more retarded by the day! Must be the DoucheBag-itis of their esteemed Yogi leader rubbing off… 😛

    May 21, 2012 at 8:04 pm Reply
  31. guest

    how is this a story

    May 21, 2012 at 8:10 pm Reply
  32. M1k3y

    To hell with those who didn't watch the video or didn't like it, I watched it and thought it was funny as hell, people need to learn to keep a better eye on their stuff.

    May 21, 2012 at 8:20 pm Reply
  33. Moe Lesture

    so i kill 7-14 tengus every 2-3 days awoxing and this shit makes news? Who cares v0v

    May 21, 2012 at 8:40 pm Reply
  34. TESTDOT.

    so you took a dread? so what you go a single dread honestly you'll never use it just like goons will never use it so smugging about it is pointless your alliance wont let you use it. also an alliance mate recently took an aeon. the tard jumped out of it warped to station to "app" to his corp he jumped his super pilot in and jumped out.

    May 21, 2012 at 8:49 pm Reply
  35. Bagehi

    Is it just me or is that The Mittani's alt?

    May 21, 2012 at 9:59 pm Reply
    1. hsdfh

      …watch the video and you'll figure it out

      May 21, 2012 at 10:31 pm Reply
    2. powersv2

      This is hilarious. he's killing abandoned towers hahaha.

      May 21, 2012 at 11:24 pm Reply
      1. BAMbam

        Didn't want those towers anyway eh?

        May 22, 2012 at 9:38 pm Reply
    3. Bob_the_Bitcher

      The Mittani ripping off his own alliance members?
      I had a look at the login screen and then again at the The Mittani's profile … Its proven this guy is stealing from his own alliance.

      The Mittani = The Awoxer

      See for yourself…

      May 22, 2012 at 1:49 pm Reply
  36. Marcus_McTavish

    I was pretty sure that being in Goons was like Welfare for life, what else is all that tech isk go to?

    Dude, that guy better be scared, the DEATH SQUAD will mercilessly kill his shuttles!!!

    May 21, 2012 at 10:25 pm Reply
  37. -FA-

    Sorry you had to cascade like this goons :'( it was fun while it lasted.

    May 21, 2012 at 10:29 pm Reply

    i steal faction BSs from my old alliances POS's every other week.

    you know what they do? replace them.

    May 21, 2012 at 11:15 pm Reply
    1. BAMbam

      So full of win

      May 22, 2012 at 9:49 pm Reply
  39. Dash

    I don't get it. What's the news in this?

    May 21, 2012 at 11:33 pm Reply
  40. Co2 dude
    May 21, 2012 at 11:40 pm Reply
  41. gong dong

    this was an inspirational article! i am looking for wards to future raids on goons. hurrah for your moros! keep up the great work!

    May 22, 2012 at 12:34 am Reply
  42. guest

    drop dah panties buton

    May 22, 2012 at 1:00 am Reply
  43. butte

    kuschke is a nobody, a moros is cheap and riverini is still trying hard

    gj spic

    May 22, 2012 at 1:35 am Reply
  44. Random Miner

    if you're gonna respond, you could at least use the same "someguy" name…

    May 22, 2012 at 3:10 am Reply
  45. Random Miner

    If this didn't royally piss off the goonies, why are they coming out in droves to neg rep and post about how "this doesn't matter" so much… you could at least do what your esteemed d-bag leader always does and distract away from the issue, and talk about huge upcoming events that will rock eve to the core… lmao

    May 22, 2012 at 3:16 am Reply
    1. butte

      If TEH GOONIES LOL didn't post comments, you'd say that they're hiding in defeat.

      If they do post comments, they're rationalizing/avoiding 'defeat'/whatever

      It's a fucking dread, a drop in the bucket for an alliance with 80 tech moons.

      May 22, 2012 at 5:37 am Reply
      1. Karttoon

        So what it's only one dread, and who cares goons can replace it 5000 x over – It's FUNNY, and it will always be funny to see some lone pilot extract tears from a much larger group of people. And when sold it will pay for the guys plex's for while which I'm sure is a big deal for him – RL recession etc etc

        May 22, 2012 at 7:18 am Reply
        1. butte

          Some dumbass leaving a dread in a POS when he could have left it any of the 20 stations in the region and getting it stolen isn't news in any case.

          May 22, 2012 at 10:00 am Reply
  46. Dont Care

    hehe so it was one dread and some juciy loot from some other pos'es. I think it was hilarious. be it goonswarm or not. As for the comments putting down it was "just a dread"…seems the previous owners thought it more than "just a dread" and were sincerely pissed off.
    could have been any allaince, still a fun move…and for the grammar queens in here its pretty obvious english aint his native language…..

    May 22, 2012 at 4:34 am Reply
  47. butte

    Since the theft of a dread is ~such~ big news you should probably report the story about a goon scamming a guy out of a carrier, convincing him to drop his dread in VFK and proceeding to DD the dread.

    May 22, 2012 at 5:43 am Reply
  48. Random CFC Grunt

    1. I ain't a goon (surprise! you can actually be in CFC without being a goon)
    2. During burn Jita I was wreaking havoc in my thrasher(s) unitil my sec dropped to a worrying level, then I left.

    May 22, 2012 at 9:14 am Reply
    1. BAMbam

      Oh your a goon pet…

      May 22, 2012 at 9:46 pm Reply
  49. butte

    I mean I guess it's "funny" for the hisec pubbie readership that Riverini targets these days but it was so newsworthy for him that he needed to photoshop another shitty header and smug about it

    at the end of the day we're still winning the game lma0

    May 22, 2012 at 10:03 am Reply
    1. Random Miner

      "we're still winning the game" this line is all anyone has to see, when trying to figure out the dumb shit goonies do. It's just a game dude, no one can win it. Take that ambition into rl.

      May 23, 2012 at 12:50 am Reply
  50. Fantainyourpants

    03:07 – is that The Mittani i see there as a second char on the same account? hmm lets compare:

    May 22, 2012 at 10:44 am Reply
    1. lol

      It does look like him, but i highly doubt it ^^

      May 22, 2012 at 11:12 am Reply

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