Got this piece via dropbox, but then I found the original posted in the EVE-O forums. In it, the OP – 3BEPEB – calls for further Awoxing attempts to “break the goons game” after calling Goons chubby, lazy carebears who are prone to get their ships awoxed. He also invites everyone to do their part.

Will it work? I don’t know, but it was a funny read indeed.

The Awoxer – Goons Have Been Pwned

“I pwned goons! I owned goooOOooOooOOoons hahahaha!” – such exclamations could be heared on a cabin already mine from now on and ever dreadnought, when I dragged cyno in the necessary system at last and jumped out on a fresh-snatched Moros from goon’s carebear paradise directly in wild and thin nullsec :)

It was very fun and joyful, and it became even more joyful after one of POS owners from whom dread was stolen, convoed me at the moment I tried to save enough cappa for a jump on the second to cyno (the cappa do not restore in logoff mode lol). Conversation was not so long and it ended with buttheart (the former owners of Moros were butthearting for a several days after, but I didn’t lose this time for nothing). I jumped out in the following system, but there was one more jump to lowsec, and there was already Down Time.

Right after DT it did not turn out to login, so when I logged in – there was this Goon – Kuschke in local, in proud loneliness, but there were his combat probes on scan. And again I had to save cappa for a jump, and I desperately had to check distant and close scanrange, I’ve cheked a killboard of this Kuschke, understood that he was in a tengu and most likely with a cyno onboard, because most of his corpmates were online, and I had the unique thought during that moment – what would I do if they tackle me? Should I logoff or just lost their own Moros to them? :) well while I‘ve been reflecting and checking goon character’s info, capacitor have reached the necessary condi_tion – 75 % and I jumped to Jan Solar System, in dock range, no bump, but there were a lot of Goons in local, and pubbies also (Goon’s word for the spongers who does not belong to a goonswarm federation alliance directly, and not only spongers, sense of this word approximately such – plebeian weak-willed herd), goons didn’t pay any attention to me strangely enough, moreover, no one even tried to kill my cyno.

Having safely driven away dread in a Forge I equipped a convoy fleet: rupture with the t2 industrial and according to the recommendation of the same old Kuschke to “burn in a hell” I forwarded straight to the goonswarm capital – VFK, I’ve been funking around all day long? plundered about 7 control towers in total, most of it were goon’s towers and a few pet’s towers. By the way, on my way back home I met the previous owner of my Moros – It was goon called Supadupadave. He treated me kindly with a pair of gentle words in local chat and called me to fight with him, asking me to decloak… at this moment I’ve been gnawing corporate hangar’s structure of goon’s POS in the same system, I don’t know how could he think that I am cloacked, but anyway the person who leaves capitals without any protection have The right to think about everything anytime and anywhere he likes, thanks to this kind of people I earn isks for plexes eventually uhahahaha

So, what am I talking about? Oh yeah! Friends! Let’s press goons wherever you meet them! If you have aan alt in goonswarm – bump out anything you can, steal from corphangars and open friendly fire! After all Goonswarm Alliance does not simply welcomed all this, but propagandized and propagandizes to this day!
Goons are quite weak now for the reason that they don’t have neither worthy rivals, nor any global purposes (there were no global ops announcements at their ally forum for a last half a year!!!) members of alliance became fat and most of them engaged in carebear’s stuff only, they do not care any hostile treats in claimed or NPC locals. So for the benefit of goonswarm I suggest to relieve superfluous goon’s stuff, who knows, it can become their saviour. But if we would not help to our yellow-black brothers, they will simply fail under their own weight soon. And Eve will not be Eve without them after all…

… more shortly, goons are the new xdeathx, without mentioning solars lol, but goon’s claim is more profitable than any other at the moment imho

And now I would like to appeal to those who read it and thought to himself something like this: “Again, this beast had robbed someone and flaunts it, and yet I’m the same as those innocent carebears”, and so, if you really think so, just remember about the Jita on fire in late April, how many times you’ve been shoot in the Jita and Perimeter? Think of how many times have you personally been suicided in empire? And how many tearful stories about lost badgers with plexes, implants and Orca blueprint copies in cargo did you hear from your suicided friends? Do you remember goon’s blob helping your enemies to reinforce your autpost? Remember the soaring prices of oxygen izotopes, planetary stuff and plexes at last! How do you think who financed Jita’s burn? Who is sponsoring suicides and goon’s jihad in empire? The same carebears who currently live in peace in Deklein and Venal. And who plays with the market and speculates on innovations? The same carebears who rearrange market orders 24/7. And after that you still have sympathy for the poor yellow-black carebears? Well, then remember that if they got a chance to destroy your tower, to burn your Orca in a belt, to suicide your industrial in hisec, to sell a plex to you at an inflated double cost – they would not hesitate to do it, but the subjunctive here doesn’t suit – they’re doing it now, at this very moment, with every one of us, and specifically with you!

And what happened? After all this, don’t you ever have the desire to fit the same bomber, and not even particularly hoping for success, fly to Deklein, bomb any outpost’s dock range couple of times, even kill a couple of careless viators if you are lucky or for example shoot a goon’s pod 2005 year of birth, self-confidently tangled in his own mobile on a gate? Even if you’ll die, so what? Just think, if everyone who has ever even suicided by goons will bomb goon’s undocks or catch hulk-bots in their belts, goons will not survive, do you understand? So what are you sitting, what are you waiting for? Take a rifter and move out – make a contribution to save goonswarm from certain death from obesity and lack of discipline!

Thank goons of bearing gifts, but you should not be afraid of them, there is no one to be afraid of in goonswarm.

Here is curious convo log:

Kuschke > hey
3BEPEB > 0/
Kuschke > its not cool with your awoxer stealing ships
3BEPEB > what?
Kuschke > what what what? your awoxer goon toon is soon out of alliance
3BEPEB > i dont understand
Kuschke > you stole my friends moros
3BEPEB > speak russian please
Kuschke > and bumped it out with a Goonswarm player
3BEPEB > no, i did not
3BEPEB > it’s a mistake
Kuschke > lol i know what you did :)
Kuschke > and soon the GSF leadership will know it oo
3BEPEB > m8 are u crazy?
Kuschke > give me that moros back and we’re fine
3BEPEB > what r u talking about?
Kuschke > or your goontoon is history in goonswarm
3BEPEB > what is goontoon?
3BEPEB > i dont have alt, i am main char
Kuschke > yes lies to your mother
Kuschke > 43years old and proud like a with did **** in the pants
Kuschke > baby*
3BEPEB > how did u know my age?
Kuschke > and i know your altchar too
3BEPEB > i dont have an alt m8
Kuschke > lies
Kuschke > hes dead
Kuschke > soon :)
Kuschke > and official an awoxer
3BEPEB > what is awoxer?
Kuschke > you is an awoxer 😉
3BEPEB > i dont know this word
3BEPEB > or, i am sorry for my bad english m8
Kuschke > burn in hell ************

Cya in Goonswarm! Fly safe 07

* Awoxer – a character introduced in any corporation in order to spy on, to rob and to friendly tackle. He has been working “under cover” up to a certain event, or before receiving the order, after which it performs its task (tasks may be very different? For example: to burn cyno for an enemy fleet, to bump out something from a force field, rob / kill corpmates, and much to the confusion etc.), often the task is performed without regard to the fact that it will be disclosed. Therefore, “if you awoxing – do it big’. Goons have a whole article about awoxing in Goonwiki. Don’t be surprised if the word is invented by them, so their wiki says that once completed the task “You must post the **** after, so it is written (in the wiki) so it must be!”. As a goon with the experience I have fulfilled my duty and I hope to get another possibility to do it again.

P.S. yes yes, of course there are those who say: “So what? Moros? I have 10 dreads!” exactly the same thing goons wrote to me, that they have 5 and 6, dread and carriers, and motherships, and even titan… get my point?

oh, and never bump capitals with a BC, better take a BS, it’ll be much faster and easier.



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  1. Welp

    What this guy's video doesn't show is all of the times he was destroyed without ever making it to dek. I'm sure the theft shown in his video is only what accomplishments he has had in maybe the past 2 years.

    P.S. Riverini, you should stick to your Janitor's closet and stop trying to be a 'reporter'. Your hate for goons is obvious and your content is horrible. Umad Riverini? Show me on the doll where the big bad goon touched you.

    May 22, 2012 at 1:09 pm Reply
    1. BAMbam

      Fair point. Though how many Drakes does a moros cost? You could loose a dozen and still win the isk war

      May 22, 2012 at 9:42 pm Reply
  2. BAMbam

    Or maybe it can be interesting becuase its the usual scammers been scammed. Besides every one loves goon tears so its way moar fun to do it this way…

    May 22, 2012 at 9:47 pm Reply
  3. BAMbam

    HAHA butt hurt much?

    May 22, 2012 at 9:48 pm Reply

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