EVE University graduate. Drama Llama. Covert operations pilot. Poetic Stanziel has been very active in the blogging community bringing views from seasoned high-sec pilots, we please to share his stories and views on current Eve Online events and invite you to read more stories from his Poetic Discourse blog.

Poetic Discourse: CSM7 – We Gots to Iterate/Replace Stuff

So, after nearly 48 hours of his “Who’s gonna vote for me” poll being live, Kelduum finally answered questions concerning his platform.

So far one person, obviously someone with poor reading comprehension, is satisfied with the two paragraph answer.

Kelduum fancies himself a top-rate politician. Perhaps he is, within the insular little world of EVE University. He’s not much of one when it comes to anything outside that sphere of influence.

So it wasn’t terribly surprising that his answer was just a bunch of politico-speak — having the appearance of saying something, but really saying nothing at all.

If elected to the CSM, I will represent every player of EVE, from industrialists and mission runners all the way to nullsec and wormhole players and everything in between, not a single special interest group.

CCP have made a good start with Crucible and are moving in the right direction. There is much that can still be improved – from balancing and iterating recently introduced features to replacing long-stagnant mechanics which have been broken for years. I pledge to focus my efforts on ensuring CCP continue down this path, and grow EVE to new levels without sacrificing current players.

First of all, he attempts to cover the broadest base possible. He’s going to represent everyone. Which is clap-trap. He’s going to represent both the super-carebear and the hardened PvP pirate? Pardon my scepticism if I don’t buy that brand of rose-flavoured water. Exactly how is he going to represent anyone when ninety-percent of his experience in this game is sitting in station, chatting with unistas on Mumble, and managing the University? What insight does that give him into wormholes, pirating, hell, pretty much anything outside of market warfare and the corporate UI interface.

The only interest Kelduum is going to represent is EVE University. His goal will be to decrease conflict for his organization, and increase the ability for him to recruit. If you’re in favour of the dumbing-down of highsec, as it will suit E-Uni, then throw Kelduum a vote. (It is telling that the first two groups that came to mind, that he then typed, were industrialists and mission runners.)

The second paragraph is much the same. No specifics, because anything mentioned concretely could actually alienate voters. So keep it as broad and expansive as possible. He wants CCP to continue iterating on stuff. He wants CCP to fix broken stuff. Kelduum supports more stuff in the game. He’s the Stuff Candidate.


What mechanics does he want “fixed”? And what does “fixed” mean to him? Exactly what features does he want iterated? All of them? Or just some of them? Which ones?

Come on. Kelduum. Man, up. Stop creasing your ass on the fence. Choose a side. Decide on some specific issues that you want to bring forward to CCP, and the suggestions that will inevitably accompany them.

Poetic Stanziel

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  1. TheTrueFact

    wow…. Kelduum, are you like a 16yo kid or something?

    February 8, 2012 at 11:02 pm Reply
  2. TheTrueFact

    like seriously are you actually eligable to be a candidate on CSM7?

    February 8, 2012 at 11:04 pm Reply
  3. bravomoonsailor

    sounds like he's trying to run for an election in the '80s

    February 8, 2012 at 11:24 pm Reply
    1. Pirokobo

      Without the veteran cred to back it up.

      February 8, 2012 at 11:44 pm Reply
  4. Occupy CSM

    I'm filing this under "Who gives too fucks" folder, He's not a dev so nothin. Of his. Views will rrain fiire, Politcs breeds shit and shit breeds retards with an agenda. Occupy CSM NOW

    February 8, 2012 at 11:25 pm Reply
  5. Former NC

    I think I'm going to give this article the thumbs up. What better vantage point to rip someone apart than someone who's seen the candidate in action over the long years? Poetic, I highly doubt you give any kind of a shit that I'm saying this – or indeed that it's coming from me – but props to you, sir. Your anger towards the uni might pay off.

    If he fails to get elected and your insights are at least a small part of the reason why, then do us all a favour and find a different subject to bitch about. You're a decent writer, just bitch about something else when the dust has settled.

    February 9, 2012 at 12:02 am Reply
    1. ET2012

      I agree. The worst kind of candidate is this super-generic "I am for CCP fixing things and I support every kind of Eve player" politician.

      We need people with a useful perspective or else they literally offer NOTHING once they get to Iceland.

      February 9, 2012 at 3:13 am Reply
      1. Widdershins

        That's not necessarily true. Someone who sounds wishy-washy may be a vague idiot, or have a creepy agenda, but often times candidates who focus all on one aspect of the game don't really have anything else to contribute. Most of you want out of a CSM member is someone who is well-read and competent in at least one major area, who can actually think about what they suggest instead of zealously putting forward some half-assed change that will only make things worse.

        Doing that will only get them shot down by the rest of the CSM, and then they will be useless.

        Claiming that you support every EVE player, however, is stupid. Most EVE players don't really know what they're doing, and that's a fact. They will think anything, and you can't represent all of them any more than you can represent everyone in IRL politics.

        February 9, 2012 at 8:31 am Reply
        1. Pirokobo

          The nullsec candidates have been strong in this regard because being a successful nullsec leader does require a terrifying amount of competency, both of the individual and the organization backing them.

          The nullsec csm rep may not themselves know everything about leading fleets or alliance logistics but they work with people who do. The very nature of alliances as "a second job you have to pay for" demands this.

          February 9, 2012 at 12:13 pm Reply
  6. Anom

    Politics and politicians suck in RL.,. why will this BS be any different.

    there are some that are in it to help the people .. but most are in politics to further themselves, thier cronies and take money from lobbyists..

    if one can truely serve the EvE community i'm all for it.. But double talking and empty promises bullshit i have no time for..

    February 9, 2012 at 1:15 am Reply
  7. wutwut

    In other news: politicians lie and represent what's important to them.

    February 9, 2012 at 1:38 am Reply
  8. Tar

    even if he was elected into a CSM position, do you think he'd be able to go toe-to-toe with the null-sec CSM members?

    i highly doubt he would even be able to bring a word into conversations without being laughed at by the entire null-sec community.

    February 9, 2012 at 1:56 am Reply
    1. ET2012

      People who only live in Empire fundamentally don't understand a huge portion of what's going on in the game. They make bad CSM candidates because CCP can easily figure out what to change in high-sec all by themselves. The hard part is balancing areas like low-sec and 0.0 where CCP has historically been tone-deaf to the community.

      February 9, 2012 at 3:14 am Reply
      1. Kurrel

        So people who play the game and have fun but also have reasonable objections "fundamentally don't understand" huge portions of the game simply because of where they choose to locate themselves??

        Wow. You might as well say that the people living on the west coast of the USA "fundamentally don't understand" what is going on in their country.

        “To generalize is to be an idiot. To particularize is the alone distinction of merit. General knowledge are those knowledge that idiots possess.” – William Blake

        February 9, 2012 at 9:24 am Reply
  9. This post is a week old now. Kelduum, since then, has posted his platform … basically a bunch of neutral-speak on a bunch of different topics. Get as many topics out there as possible, to attract as many voters as possible, but say little to nothing about mostly all of them.

    He does say some stupid stuff about war declarations and high-sec ganking mechanics. The Mittani pointed out the absurdity of one of his suggestions:

    February 9, 2012 at 2:30 am Reply
    1. I R COOLIO

      It pains me to say this, but I have to give mittens his dues. He knows his shit, and keldumb does not. His stance on wars and high-sec pvp, as well as piracy, border on Hello Kitty Island Adventure. Reason #326 I will not be voting for Kelduum.

      February 9, 2012 at 2:59 pm Reply
    2. Gumpin

      Mittani already asserting authority over would be CSMs.

      Funny in a /overlord kinda way.

      February 10, 2012 at 9:43 am Reply
  10. trexinatux

    I smell your tears.

    February 9, 2012 at 5:27 am Reply
  11. Grad

    I cant be the only one thinking that ripard teg (aka jester trek) should have run instead of this klownduun…
    Can i get a +1 if you agree with me?
    There's someone with insight

    February 9, 2012 at 5:32 am Reply
    1. Owambe

      Ripard is far too self-centred and seems to suffer of an Mittens-fetish.

      February 9, 2012 at 2:04 pm Reply
  12. bystander

    Baby kisser.

    February 9, 2012 at 8:20 am Reply
  13. Random Miner

    First you said that he said "nothing at all", and followed by discussing how you got so much out of it… interesting.

    P.s. csm doesn't matter

    February 9, 2012 at 10:13 am Reply
  14. Buggrit

    I wish there was a CSM candidate for the game. Not a group, not the players – for a better game. I want:

    – Someone without an axe to grind, or an alliance to promote.
    – Someone who wants to see lowsec become much busier with pirates and FW shooting each other up and all hitting the null-sec alliance logistic routes
    – A defender of PVP who will campaign so that roams and small-warfare and raiding actually affect the production of null-sec (death by a thousand cuts)
    – A critic of the interface who wants to see it actually not be a raging shame
    – A hater supercapitals become controlled, and mostly irrelevant to small'n'sharp warfare. Including maybe a hefty maintenance cost.
    – A delegate who understands that carebears do not exist. They're sheep. Fleece them, milk them, kill the fattest and stupidest, butt-fuck a few when you feel the itch, but mostly let the flock grow and prosper.

    February 9, 2012 at 10:36 am Reply
    1. you have 99 problems son… but the bitch aint one 😉

      February 9, 2012 at 1:58 pm Reply
    2. CareBearStares

      Man.. why does everyone want to rape me?
      I mean, I work out, and dress nice but jeeze.

      February 9, 2012 at 7:01 pm Reply
  15. Guest

    tbh who gives a fuck about one guy who might, or might not run depending on whether he gets enough votes in an eve university forum poll.

    This is the 3rd or so story regarding this same possible candidate for CSM7.

    Give it a fucking rest dude.

    I just don't care.

    February 9, 2012 at 11:21 am Reply
  16. Guest

    tbh who gives a fuck about one guy who might, or might not run depending on whether he gets enough votes in an eve university forum poll.

    February 9, 2012 at 11:51 am Reply
  17. HR4ever

    I think Kelduum just wants a seat in CSM, without really having an issue to work on. Just the thought of sitting there, getting tickets to Iceland and back, is enough motivation. The rest? Fuck the rest.

    February 9, 2012 at 2:21 pm Reply
  18. I R COOLIO


    February 9, 2012 at 2:36 pm Reply
  19. Xyla

    Anyone who uses the word "iterate" is a cunt.

    February 9, 2012 at 5:59 pm Reply

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