Seismic Stan is one of the most well known Eve bloggers. Developer of the award winning Incarna: The Text Adventure video game. Co-Creater of Tech4 and former Voices of the Void host. Always with an amusing twist. More of his blogs can be found here: Seismic Stan’s Freebooted blog.

CSM7 Elections: The Call of the Wild

Selection time is upon us. Once again we – the loyal subscribers of EVE Online – get the opportunity to influence the direction in which our chosen MMO environment develops. The team of players elected in the next few weeks will champion player concerns for the next year. In the next month forums, blogs and podcasts will be alive with discussion as the many candidates vie for our favour.

Mush!

Having read through many early candidacy threads and discussions, I’m starting to see this CSM election process as the selection of a dog sled team. As the dog-selector and “musher”, it is in the interests of the players to put together the dog team most likely to get us to our desired destination. The terrain we must travel over in the next year may be hazardous, as it was last year when we were fortunate to have an able pack leading us. There were times when we were reliant on the dog sled team to know the way as we were blinded by the NDA blizzard.

Our selection for the previous sledding season was good and the dog team got the job done. But is exactly the same team the right one for the new terrain ahead? Whereas last year the course involved negotiating the dangerous peaks and troughs of Incarnasfjöll and Fearlessjökull, next year will bring new challenges more diverse than the Crucible, on into faction warfare and beyond. The rules have changed too, with the pack now down from nine to seven. This can only make selection all the more critical and the competition more fierce.

Shuffling the Pack

Effectively we are now back at the dog pound, planning our next expedition and listening to the rising crescendo of howls, growls and barks. We’re looking for the right signs from potential runners as they watch each other for signs of weakness and assert their dominance. It is fascinating to browse through the candidacy threads in Jita Park Speakers Corner to see how each runner asserts themselves.

There is a grand mix of bellicose hounds, yapping pups and the occasional ex-sled dog, flanks twitching for another run out. All the while the current team, lean and experienced but perhaps drained from the long season past, mingle with the pretenders. It’s a heady mix of potential energy, aspirations and ego.

Our selections should ensure that the dog team takes the sled where we want it to go, rather than where the dog team thinks it should go. No easy task given the temperament of some of the front-runners. Here’s a mushers-eye view of some of the hounds in the pound.

Mittens

The lead hound in the current sled team, this wily alpha-dog is so confident of his position he is happily reclined in the most comfortable part of the pound, licking his balls in a congratulatory fashion. Occasionally he stretches idly and wanders through the canine mass, cunningly assessing threat whilst showing support or amusement as is his wont. Not the fiercest dog in the pound by far, but he has no need to be – he is one of the most calculating and has many of the local mountain wolves at his beck and call. Not entirely house-trained and has a habit of pissing on the sled passengers.

Seleene

Another current team member, whilst possessing many of the attributes exhibited by Mittens, Seleene seems content to play the beta role. With a more open and approachable manner than the pack leader and some command of the local mountain wolves herself, Seleene is probably the most capable alternative alpha dog. However with the pack hierarchy established, it’d take some real sleight-of-paw to pull off a coup in the unlikely event that was her intention. However, she can be observed working tirelessly to broaden her appeal to the observing mushers, so who knows. Maybe it’s time to back the bitch.

Trebor

This loyal old hound is getting long in the tooth, but despite his drooping jowls and greying fur he just keeps coming back for more. With a stamina that belies his years, Trebor has proven himself time and again to be a team player and a hard worker. He’s integrated well with the newer team members and we can only hope the old boy can continue to keep pace with the youngsters.

Kelduum

A new dog to the CSM pound, but long in the tooth generally, Kelduum has a proven record as an alpha male in the EVE University pack. His experience there will hold him in good stead with the selectors and should allow him to step out of the shadows. Whether he can work comfortably in a junior role within the next sled team or is hoping for the alpha role is uncertain, but he certainly has something to offer in either case. Kelduum’s progress may be hampered by the yapping of one of his runts who tends to follow him around.

T’amber

T’amber has had previous sledding experience, having been part of the team in previous years before chewing through her harness and fleeing into the snowy night. Now back in captivity, there is diminished confidence in her reliability or sincerity. Mittens even took time out from his ball-licking to casually snarl in T’amber’s direction. Perhaps not a favourable addition to the team.

Mintrolio

Possibly dropped as a puppy, Mintrolio is an endearing but misguided hound who’s unintelligible howling – whilst entertaining – disguises any genuine sledding ability and may hamper his ability to bond with the team. His inappropriate relationship with a goat may ruin any real chances he has of being taken seriously.


Jagerblitzen

A well-bred contender with bright eyes and strong teeth. Jagerblitzen is young and full of energy, coupled with some apparent real direction and purpose and the united backing of all the usually hostile Faction Warfare packs. Already he has garnered some serious attention from Mittens, with the alpha-dog recognising Jagerblitzen’s strengths and usefulness and attempting to coerce him into a subordinate position. But the feisty youngster rebuffed the stalking Mittens; an interesting challenge of authority that may lead to teeth-baring and throat-ripping. Certainly a relationship to watch.

Draco

Draco has been running with the team for the past year and seems eager to participate again. Early signs show some popularity, as also indicated by his previous selection. Presumably a team dog with some backing from the remote quarters, Draco is possibly a quiet “do-er” rather than a noise-maker.

Revenent

Hailing from the Inspiracy pack, Revenant has some fervent support from that quarter. Although a smaller group, Revenant’s unique knowledge and perspective may be of use in the negotiation of terrain ahead. However, historically other breeds have struggled to accept Revenant’s “characterful” kind easily, with many breeds being ill at ease with what is viewed as odd behaviour in some packs.

Skippermonkey

This odd little fellow is a mongrel who can often be seen chasing his own shadow and sniffing other dogs’ behinds. Whilst he doesn’t display any attributes remotely useful to the sled team, he is a cute little fella who might be better used entertaining houseguests. There is evidence that he has yellow balls.

I’m sure there will be others that will be worthy of our attention over the next few weeks and I’ll endeavour to keep track as they materialise. Check back here for news of new arrivals, interesting throat-rippings and uninvited anus-sniffings.

In the meantime, head over to the pound, scratch some bellies and let them know you like them.

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21 Comments

  1. some dude

    mintrolio…possibly dropped as a puppy? i believe he climbed the stupid tree and fell out!

    but hes got my vote 😀

    February 8, 2012 at 5:38 pm Reply
    1. Dammit, good line. Wish I'd thought of that.

      February 8, 2012 at 10:37 pm Reply
  2. Pacolipse

    I hope this article is a troll… FFS

    February 8, 2012 at 6:14 pm Reply
    1. No no, this is a totally serious discussion. This year CCP have declared that only candidates who can prove they are in fact dogs are allowed to enter.

      February 8, 2012 at 10:35 pm Reply
      1. namy

        Have to be snow dogs as well.

        February 9, 2012 at 1:13 am Reply
        1. some dude

          and in mintrolios case, has to prove or disprove the falling out of the stupid tree.

          i want him on csm7 for one big reason…..he will troll the living shit out of mittens, and it will be hilarious!

          February 9, 2012 at 2:14 am Reply
  3. iRMTtogetLAID

    This post is furry and author should feel furry. And gay.

    February 8, 2012 at 6:25 pm Reply
    1. I am indeed quite hirsute. And fairly open-minded when drunk. What of it? Are you going to fanfest. 😉

      February 8, 2012 at 10:37 pm Reply
  4. Carlos

    i got to say even for me, a guy that says things the way they are and dont particularly hold my tongue, i found montrolio part a bit rough on the guy probably. Then again he probably got that description just for been who he is.

    February 8, 2012 at 8:48 pm Reply
  5. pl old guard

    what no Elise. obviously he must be getting his own thread

    February 8, 2012 at 9:03 pm Reply
  6. hehe

    I think this is awesome =D

    February 8, 2012 at 10:01 pm Reply
  7. Random.

    What no mention of Xenuria (aka severus snape). I am sure you could find something fun to do with that one.

    February 8, 2012 at 10:31 pm Reply
  8. ZZZ

    lol you forgot that those faggots on voice of reason or someshit barbie lovers

    February 9, 2012 at 2:14 am Reply
  9. Krios Ahzek

    This is the most insane analogy I have read in a very long while

    February 9, 2012 at 2:19 am Reply
  10. Random Miner

    That was so damn…. metaphorical, that it made no sense to me what so ever. Well done good sir, well done. Are you running for office? Because you would make a great politician.

    —-Vote for Unintelligible Howling—-

    February 9, 2012 at 3:16 pm Reply
    1. Hah, thanks… I think. As long as you enjoyed it, making sense is over-rated. Especially around these parts, allegedly.

      No, I'm not running for CSM. There aren't enough spoons in Iceland.

      February 9, 2012 at 4:38 pm Reply
      1. Random Miner

        lmao

        February 10, 2012 at 7:02 am Reply
  11. ex-NC

    riverini, you are not trying to get a seat ? :(
    i will vote for you !!!

    February 9, 2012 at 4:15 pm Reply
  12. guineovalas

    ?._.?

    February 23, 2013 at 11:00 am Reply
  13. -sigh- Twas just a bit of fun, it wouldn't have made much sense if I'd stopped the metaphor half way through and then compared everyone to dogs, would it. It's thematic continuity. Or something.

    February 8, 2012 at 10:42 pm Reply

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